This post has content warnings for: vent, sad.

Re: commute costs
My uni had a program where public transport was free and there might have been other assistance. I understand that you may have looked into this and public transit might be ass in your area but it's worth a shot to mention.
Re: everything else
Oof I'm sorry you're dealing with all this. I get what you mean by software as a business vs software though. I'm not in software but like I want to make stuff and make a living based off of that, not set up a rube goldberg capitalism machine
i doubt there's a program that can help me put with how far I live, but i can ask around
thanks for the words, i appreciate them!