It's gross that my sense of self-worth is inextricably linked to my ability to get hired for a job. I don't even want a job. I just have to have one because we've set up such a stupid system that in order to survive, you have to waste most of your waking life doing pointless work that doesn't matter so that someone else who does less work can profit from it. They try to make you think that you'll be "rewarded" for it after forty years by not having to do it anymore, but even that probably won't be true, if I even survive that long, and even if it did happen, by then I'd be too old to enjoy it. It's a game for suckers. The world is going to hell in a handbasket in pretty much every conceivable way, and I'm increasingly convinced that the only sensible response is to try to make the most of the time we have left in which life is still somewhat tolerable. But you can't afford to do that for very long. That's how they get you.
I have my second appointment with a new therapist tomorrow. The first appointment was a complete waste of time and I'm dreading it. Therapy is always just one more thing of bullshit to have to put up with. I have seen many therapists and there was only one I found somewhat helpful (and even then the difference was marginal). But I couldn't keep seeing her because I lost my job and therefore insurance and then had to move to a different state.
I'm about to lose my job yet again, but unfortunately that won't get me out of therapy because this time I'm on my spouse's insurance.