The Darkest Oceans System

fuck it. fuck everything. fuck this whole shit-heap of a thing we call meatspace, we’re done. we’re fucking done.

phin is still trying to kill the part of herself that tells her that people would be happier if we just went away. if we just stopped “being so damn weird”.

No. Fuck that, you joyless soulless husks. We are alive, we enjoy being alive, even if our vessel is a sack of broken shit. Even if every day hurts and there’s agony waiting every time we open our eyes, both mentally and physically.

We’re done letting people like that have any power over us. They want us to be normal? To fit into society?

We refuse. And because such demands are were made (by people who are no longer part of our lives, who still had little bits of their asinine assimilationism embedded in us; fuck you, we’re gonna be even weirder.

That’s right, we’re tearing off the filters. Oh, we’ll still tag and CW things; that’s just being considerate of others. But pretending we’re a “normal” meat bag who could fill in as another soulless husk in their joyless world? Fuck that noise. We’ll be loud and unrepentantly queer, twisted, and kinky.

Rest in piss, assimilationists.

The rest of you wild, thoughtful critters and dolls and robots, unexplainable entities and glitches from beyond the veil, and to the people too, you all take care and have a lovely night.

Here we sit, undressed, resting our ass on the chair before the screen.

We were awakened by a grating sound outside at like, 1045 this morning; weed whackers, landscaping folks working on the apartment complex. Fucking hate it.

Hate even more that it took us nearly 3 hours to crawl out of bed. Time kept disappearing, minutes, half hours, entire hours. We catch ourselves staring off into space, only to drift off again shortly thereafter.

Only to realize we hadn't laid out our pills for the weekly morning meds yesterday.

Start to do that, only to realize 'oh hey, five capsules of our ADHD med remaining.' Of which we're supposed to take 2 capsules daily. Check the pharmacy, where we placed an order back 13 days ago for a fill of a new prescription since we didn't want to run into this issue again for a second month in a row.

...still out of stock. Like it has been for over a week.

Realize another half hour has passed as we look at the pharmacy page and we've been forcibly logged out.

Take a deep breath and take a half dose, splitting what would have otherwise been today and tomorrow's pills into today through Saturday's.

we're just going to have to do our best to take the next... however long one breath at a time, huh.

oh well. kobold is exhausted and we've scarcely been awake for 4 hours now, but we need to take a shower, have something to eat, and put the laundry from yesterday... from last week, as well... and the towels we washed late last week all away.

@_@;;

oh Goddess be good, why am I not moving? I can’t just sit here I have work to do and I’m painfully aware of that fact. I want to do the work why won’t our body cooperate? It isn’t even that hard, it’s not stressful, I just have to take these clothes to the laundry room, throw them in with detergent, pay with our phone, and then come back to the apartment to wait for them to be ready for the dryer.

executive dysfunction is awful and we hate it and we want it to stop and go away I just want to be a good kobold and get my work done and take care of things and not sit here uselessly like a bump on a log as time keeps ticking forward.

I took our meds so why can’t I make our vessel move?