the problem with 'small talk' is that only a fifth of the population seems to understand that 'how are you' is a bandwidth negotiation protocol, not conversation, even if they all use it that way
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in reply to @NireBryce's post:
i thought this was about the programming language at first
can you elaborate? for neurotypicals it looks to me like pure SYN/SYN-ACK/ACK connection establishment?
in english most people use 'how are you' as an equivalent to the thing modems do where they scream at each other until they understand the limitations of the other party and then they can actually start communicating.
"how are you" even if most people don't consciously realize, is a thing that yields:
- their current demeanor/mood/stress level
- their capacity for serious/potentially stressful/involved conversation vs surface level stuff
- how much time they want to spend talking to you
- most of this is just like, automatic for most people
which is why most people just don't actually have anything to say when you answer literally ime.
unless they're also being literal. but even then, it's sort of for a similar reason, if you squint
perhaps it is just that i mainly only deal with neurotypicals at work and so it is just a formality, what you say has no bearing on what they will do thereafter
i got really tired of this, so my favorite thing to do at my last job (if i was not doing great) was just to say "bad" cheerfully and ask them what they needed like normal, it never failed to get a reaction, but culture and neurotypicality was apparent in how they reacted