My complete STAR TREK: VOYAGER Skiplist

sometime in the middle of the lockdown, I decided to watch all the Star Trek shows that I'd not yet seen. I watched all of Discovery that existed at the time, then all of Picard, then Lower Decks, then Prodigy (then Strange New Worlds!). After that, there was only one option: Voyager. Soon, I'll start Enterprise, god help me.

I finished VOY with some friends a few weeks ago, and after a discussion about the series' hit rate, I decided to make a "skiplist". This is that list. It's also a record of my nightmarish quest. My "year of hell", if you will.

Voyager is a terrible show. A bizarrely frustrating show. A show that on the macro and micro levels never fails to make baffling decisions, lag in the wrong spots and rush through its endings. A TV show so terrible that it drove Ronald D Moore to create the Battlestar Galactica reboot. I truly LOVE Star Trek, and man, this show tested my patience. I must say that, unlike Picard (one of the worst TV shows ever produced by human hands), Voyager IS an actual Star Trek show, and an actual TV Show. It's just very, very bad.

If I come across hard on it, just know it's because I want to love it. I'd never write about Picard's episodes like this, because it's a fake tv show, with zero real episodes. I might do something like this for Discovery, but each individual season basically encompasses a single TNG episode's worth of story, so it would be a short list (here I'll do it right now¹.) We'll see how I feel after Enterprise, but i get the feeling it wont piss me off quite so much. Just remember, I'm not a Star Trek hater, okay? This is loving.

What is Voyager?

THE LIST:

GOOD! -When the episode is good. There are thirteen of these. Can you believe that??

Okay -These are totally watchable episodes but they aren’t like AMAZING.

Bad -Voyager’s chief export.

Jesus Fucking Christ -this is a special category for episodes that are so Bad they have historic value, or episodes that just suck in a truly captivating way. Potentially worth a watch.

WoBbLy ShIp -one of the lowest and most dejectable forms of Voyager episode. These are episodes where the central conflict of the episode is that the ship has become “Wobbly” for some reason. Under no circumstances must you EVER watch a “Wobbly Ship” episode.

For efficiency's sake, I've collected the good episodes below.

THE GOOD EPISODES OF STAR TREK: VOYAGER:

216: MELD
223: THE THAW
302: FLASHBACK
307-308: FUTURE’S END
323: WORST CASE SCENARIO
408-409: YEAR OF HELL
512: BRIDE OF CHAOTICA!
521: SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME
604: TINKER, TENOR, DOCTOR, SPY
610: PATHFINDER
615: TSUNKATSE
708: BODY AND SOUL
723: RENAISSANCE MAN

But we're not here to watch good tv. We are here to watch Star Trek: Voyager. Let's see what it has in store:

SEASON ONE:

1. Caretaker, Parts I & II
   Bad -you’d think the first episode of Voyager would be important…but it’s not! The show basically doesnt pay attention to anything that happens in these episodes, so dont worry about it. I mean. I guess you should watch it. What are we even fucking doing. Whats the point

2. Parallax
   Bad-one fun moment.

3. Time and Again
   Bad

4. Phage
   Bad

5. The Cloud
   Bad -the first “weird cloud” episode of Voyager, but not the last. Janeway loves taking detours on her way back to Earth to observe a weird cloud. Why not? It’s only 70 years back to the Alpha Quadrant.

6. Eye of the Needle
   Bad

7. Ex Post Facto
   Bad

8. Emanations
   Bad

9. Prime Factors
   Bad

10. State of Flux
    Bad

11. Heroes and Demons
    Okay The Doctor has to go on his first “away mission” INTO the holodeck because the Beowulf program went haywire and now he has to do a bunch of heroes journey type shit. Ends weak, but that’s Voyager for you!

12. Cathexis
    Bad

13. Faces
    Bad- extra marks for being a preposterously racist episode as well. Torres gets split into her human half and her Klingon half. You can imagine how it goes from there.

14. Jetrel
    Bad- though I recall Neelix getting a rare dub here when he blows the fuck up on a smug war criminal guy who killed his people. Voyager’s odd political perspective shines through in this one…”turns out the war criminal sold his watch to get neelix that hairspray he was looking for…makes u think” type moral.

15. Learning Curve
    Bad- almost okay. Tuvok teaches some layabout maquis officers to actually pull their weight. Somehow this is the season finale. Jesus what a stupid fucking tv show

SEASON TWO:

1. The 37's
   Bad- almost worth it cause of how frustratingly stupid this episode is. Has an all-timer good opening hook for a trek episode: they find a 1930 Ford pickup drifting through the Deltta Quadrant. It DOES NOT DELIVER on this premise. Hilarious bit where they go visit these human colonies on an alien planet, but we dont see any of it, and later they’re talking like: “wow. Those cities were fucking crazy right.” were they?? You didn’t show me that.
   Also a good example of Janeway sort of “creating” a moral dilemma to weigh over that wasn’t really there before. Maybe she envies picard or something so she’s constantly trying to muck up starfleet procedure with unnecessary Measure of a Man trials about shit nobody but her seems to care about.

2. Initiations
   Bad

3. Projections
   Okay -Barclay and the Doctor on some inception-type shit. Really manic and nutty episode. Maybe not like, actually GREAT, but really really fun and stupid, and the EMH and Barclay having a neurosis-off is legit really fun.

4. Elogium
   Jesus Fucking Christ Kes gets “horny-itis”. There are at least 10 episodes of Trek about Horny-itis that are way better than this -one of which is literally responsible for the concept of slash fiction. And none of them are about Kes, Neelix’s two-year-old wife. Watch this bit though.

5. Non Sequitur
   Okay maybe im misremembering. This is a kinda interesting ep. Harry wakes up on earth with his smokeshow girlfriend. Beginning of the “Harry Kim is allergic to getting laid” subplot that runs through almost the entire show. Voyager tries to do a “weird one” and nearly pulls…something off.

6. Twisted
   WoBbLy ShIp

7. Parturition
   Bad

8. Persistence of Vision
   Bad- “As Voyager readies for a potentially dangerous encounter with the Botha,” Our first experience with Janeway’s proclivity towards for real falling in love with her stupid bodice-ripper holodeck programs. Starfleet’s most gullible captain, I think.

9. Tattoo
   Jesus Fucking Christ- potentially the most racist star trek episode ever produced. And if you love star trek, you know that’s really fucking saying something. Turns out white aliens taught natives all the stuff they knew.

10. Cold Fire
    Bad

11. Maneuvers
    Bad. One of voyager’s top three episode endings in terms of pure insanity.

12. Resistance
    Bad

13. Prototype
    Bad

14. Alliances
    Bad

15. Threshold
    Jesus Fucking Christ- honestly I think this episode gets a bad rap as “Star Trek’s Worst Episode,” i think there are far stupider/more boring episodes in this show that deserve that title. At least some fun shit happens in this! We get a passable The Fly cronenberg riff, and then the episode loses its entire mind. This is a perfect example of the Voyager format, which is “waste time for the first 4 acts, then speedrun the rest of the episode in the final 2 minutes.” And THAT is what makes this episode an all-timer. The fucking WHIPLASH you go through in the last bit of this episode. Its fucking amazing.

16. Meld
    GOOD! Tuvok faces down against “The God” Brad Dourif (Saavedro from Myst III: Exile, Grima Wormtongue from The Lord of the Rings: the Two Towers, Chucky from Chucky) in Voyager’s first legitimately GOOD episode. Great showcase of Tim Russ saying insanely hard shit AND it introduces Suder, the only character in Voyager who has a remotely functional character arc over an entire season.

17. Dreadnought
    Bad

18. Death Wish
    Okay- Q episode. Fun to see John DeLancie, fun to see what a “suicidal Q” looks like, etc. Ends bizarrely as always.

19. Lifesigns
    Bad- more mid than bad iirc. The Doctor gets a gf, which is cute. This show is seriously fucking carried on Robert Picardo’s back for most of its run. He makes all this pinnoccio stuff really sing.

20. Investigations
    Bad

21. Deadlock
    WoBbLy ShIp

22. Innocence
    Okay Tuvok has to babysit some kids. Fun dynamic. Not much else to speak of.

23. The Thaw
    GOOD! Somehow this episode is actually awesome. Reading the premise you'd think its the worst one, but its great! Awesome guest star, actually has some Star Trek problem solving, and a super hard Janeway moment at the end. Evil and Dark Janeway is the one angle they have for her other than “really stupid” and this episode hits it well.

24. Tuvix
    Jesus Fucking Christ- tremendously stupid episode. Tuvok and neelix get turned into one guy. All time piece of trek history and worth it for that, much like threshold. People cite this as a big “janeway is the most brutal captain” episode because of how she solves the moral dilemma, but im 100% on her side here. He used to be two guys. Stupid thing to get worked up about. Break em up!

25. Resolutions
    Bad

26. Basics, Part I
    Bad- but if you liked Meld and wanna see what happens to Suder, you could scrub through this episode for his scenes. Its pretty cool! Honestly a really interesting star trek character i would have loved to see more of. Brad Dourif is so fucking cool.

SEASON THREE

1. Basics, Part II
   Bad- finishes up the shit from last season. Same goes from my previous summary

2. Flashback
   GOOD!- this episode is provisionally good because we get a bunch of awesome scenes of Tuvok working alongside the swaggy CAPTAIN SULU!!! Its a weak episode narratively but damn if it isnt awesome to see two kings doing their thing.

3. The Chute
   Bad

4. The Swarm
   Bad

5. False Profits
   Bad -VOY manages to undo the goodwill we’ve developed towards “ferengi episodes” ever since DS9 made them sources of delight.

6. Remember
   Bad

7. Sacred Ground
   Bad

8. Future's End, Part I & II
   GOOD! Only MOSTLY good. Really fun premise. Tuvok says “please hand me a burrito.” 90’s Sarah Silverman being incredibly cute, time travel shit, etc.

9. Warlord
   Bad

10. The Q and the Grey
    Bad- yeah. Its a Q episode but it sucks. Hate to say it

11. Macrocosm
    Bad

12. Fair Trade
    Bad

13. Alter Ego
    Bad

14. Coda
    Bad. Awesome moment.

15. Blood Fever
    Bad - terrible “horny episode”.

16. Unity
    Bad

17. The Darkling
    Bad

18. Rise
    Bad

19. Favorite Son
    Bad

20. Before and After
    Bad

21. Real Life
    Okay- not really that good, but several hilarious scenes of the Doctor interacting with the holographic family he makes for himself, and an Always Sunny- level Sociopathic Be’lanna plot where she just randomly decides to permanently traumatize the EMH.

22. Distant Origin
    Okay Dinosaur charles darwin claims that his dinosaur species is actually from earth and kidnaps Chakotay to prove it. Hold on, wait. This episode is actually Bad

23. Displaced
    Bad

24. Worst Case Scenario
    GOOD! -fun episode about the Voyager crew all doing Neon White speedruns of a mysterious “Maquis Mutiny” holodeck program, and a fun Tom Paris-Tuvok friendship angle I wish they had the wherewithal to follow up on.

25. Scorpion, Part I
    Bad- we meet Seven in these episodes but jesus. Theyre fucking Bad. And we meed Species 8472 who are like the Meat version of borg and the borg are super scared of them and they come from a fluid dimension that’s all water. They come from a goo dimension. Its stupid.

SEASON FOUR:

The quality of this season minorly improves because they introduce Seven of Nine and she’s wearing the silver suit. I have no further comments to make on this matter.

1. Scorpion, Part II
   Bad

2. The Gift
   Bad

3. Day of Honor
   Bad

4. Nemesis
   Bad

5. Revulsion
   Bad- sidenote. Seven wants to have sex with Harry in this episode and he runs away. What is fucking wrong with this guy??

6. The Raven
   Bad - this episode is really weak, but almost a solid Seven episode, if you want to know her deal more. But its not actually a GOOD episode.

7. Scientific Method
   Bad

8. Year of Hell, Parts I & II
   GOOD! Probably the only episodes of VOYAGER id recommend outside of Meld to new viewers. THE GOD Kurtwood Smith, crazy time stuff. Just an all-timer trek episode. Was gonna be a seasonal arc, which would have really ruled. Oh well!

9. Random Thoughts
   Bad- Tuvok does say some hard shit in one scene though. He trades some of his evil ownage memories to black market Feeling Dealers. Stupid!

10. Concerning Flight
    Bad

11. Mortal Coil
    Bad

12. Waking Moments
    Bad

13. Message in a Bottle
    Okay EMH episode. Very fun. Pretty much any Doctor episode is gonna be a hoot.

14. Hunters
    Bad

In between these two wretched episodes, Deep Space Nine released one of the best episodes of TV ever, Far Beyond the Stars. Just as a reference point.

16. Prey
    Bad

17. Retrospect
    Jesus Fucking Christ- Seven learns the consequences of cancel culture when she WRONGLY ACCUSES someone of doing surgery on her and he DIES as a result. Insane scenes such as her and the EMH taking it to Janeway and she says some shit like “well what was she wearing at the time?? This guys never done secret surgery on me, he seems perfectly fine” and so on. APPALLING episode. One of the most “Story by Brannon Braga” episodes ever.

18. The Killing Game, Part I & II
    Bad- one of Voyager’s MANY 2-parters that could have barely sustained a single episode. Lots of aliens rolling around in Stasi uniforms. So that’s something. One awesome image of Tuvok firing a tommy gun like hes one of the untouchables.

    Seven wears an evening dress in these however…

19. Vis à Vis
    Bad

20. The Omega Directive
    Bad- neat idea utterly wasted by Voyager.

21. Unforgettable
    Bad

22. Living Witness
    Bad

23. Demon
    Bad- worth keeping this one in mind cause it sets up one of Voyager’s stupidest episodes ever.

24. One
    Okay See, the trick Voyager figures out here, is that if they can get Seven and the Doctor in an episode mostly alone, the episode will actually be pretty good.

25. Hope and Fear
    Bad

SEASON FIVE:

1. Night
   Bad

2. Drone
   Bad

3. Extreme Risk
   Bad

4. In the Flesh
   Bad

5. Once Upon a Time
   Bad

6. Timeless
   Okay We get Sexy Future Harry, some neat stuff, etc. its fine.

7. Infinite Regress
   Okay A mid episode uplifted by getting to see Jeri Ryan do a one-woman-show playing like 12 different characters. Its fun!

8. Nothing Human
   Bad

9. Thirty Days
   Bad

10. Counterpoint
    Bad

11. Latent Image
    Okay- Solid Doctor episode with a hilarious Evil Janeway scene where she compares the EMH to a replicator or a chair.

12. Bride of Chaotica!
    GOOD! People really love this one- i think its PRETTY good, but not amazing. But its a lot of fun and worth watching for sure.

13. Gravity
    Bad

14. Bliss
    Bad

15. Dark Frontier, Part I & II
    Bad

16. The Disease
    Bad

17. Course: Oblivion
    WoBbLy ShIp/Jesus Fucking Christ -this episode is so fucking stupid. Once you realize what’s happening, you’re gonna lose it. Almost worth watching for that reason…

18. The Fight
    Bad

19. Think Tank
    Okay -Jason Alexander guest stars and has a lot of fun as a con artist who, like all the Voyager villains, successfully sells Janeway a bill of goods.

20. Juggernaut
    Bad

21. Someone to Watch Over Me
    GOOD! -one of my very favorite episodes of Voyager, and introduces the absolutely nuclear Seven/Doctor ship, which is easily the cutest and best relationship on the show. A MUST-watch.

22. 11:59
    Bad

23. Relativity
    Bad

24. Warhead
    Bad

25. Equinox, Part I
    Okay -uhhh these episodes are fine. Cool angle though. If you’re interested in watching the “essential” VOY you should probably not miss these. Evil Starfleet Captain stuff.

SEASON SIX:

1. Equinox, Part II
   Okay

2. Survival Instinct
   Bad

3. Barge of the Dead
   Bad

4. Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy
   GOOD! I THINK this one is good? Its a fun Doctor episode, so it goes on the list.

5. Alice
   Bad- Tom Paris has sex with a car.

6. Riddles
   Bad

7. Dragon's Teeth
   Bad

8. One Small Step
   Bad

9. The Voyager Conspiracy
   Bad

10. Pathfinder
    GOOD! Weird episode to do in Voyager, but really fun to see Barclay and Troi in essentially what is a Seinfeld episode inside of Star Trek.

11. Fair Haven
    Bad

12. Blink of an Eye
    Bad

13. Virtuoso
    Okay This episode is fun. Doctor stuff, Seven being bratty when the Doctor gets famous and starts ignoring her, etc.

14. Memorial
    Bad

15. Tsunkatse
    GOOD! Awesome episode. Martoks actor guest stars, not as Martok but still!! also Jeffrey Combs is here. And its just a solid ep! There’s ANOTHER guest star in this who i won’t name…but let’s just say that the hierarchy of power in the Star Trek Universe is about to change.

16. Collective
    Bad

17. Spirit Folk
    Bad- Tom Paris fucks around in the holodeck and accidentally gives a bunch of irish holodeck characters self-awareness. Thankfully, Janeway is there to put down another class uprising. Manages to be both boring AND revive anti-irish racism from the dustbin of history.

18. Ashes to Ashes
    Bad

19. Child's Play
    Bad

20. Good Shepherd
    Okay -This episode is kinda mid but has such a fun premise. Voyager’s least competent officers are put on a mission together. We get one of Star Trek’s cutest characters ever with the lazy and stupid bajoran engineer who is constantly trying to get out of work. I love her. incompetent Bajoran starfleet engineer, please call me.

21. Live Fast and Prosper
    Okay Mid episode with an AMAAAAAZING premise. Con artists are impersonating the voyager crew and scamming alien cultures. Worth it for fake janeway and fake tuvok.

22. Muse
    Bad

23. Fury
    Bad

24. Life Line
    Okay You get to see the doctor acting against himself. Its fun. More barclay and troi! Why not!! They’re from that good star trek show!

25. The Haunting of Deck Twelve
    Bad

26. Unimatrix Zero, Part I
    Bad

SEASON SEVEN:

I really have to respect this show for not even trying to make this feel like the final season. just really walked this show across home plate. mercy killing finale.

1. Unimatrix Zero, Part II
   Bad

2. Imperfection
   Bad

3. Drive
   Bad

4. Repression
   Bad

5. Critical Care
   Bad

6. Inside Man
   Okay I don’t remember this one but it sounds like it was fun? Evil barclay episode?

7. Body and Soul
   GOOD! -This one is an all-timer. Seven and the Doctor bodyswap episode. Hard to overstate how good Jeri Ryan is at playing the flamboyant and bratty EMH. and ANOTHER EMH/Seven episode that is just craaaazy charming. They have so much chemistry it drives me insane that she’s gay married in Picard. Im homophobic about it. She BELONGS with the DOCTOR!!!

8. Nightingale
   Bad -feels like this episode was written BY Janeway. “Harry Kim is NOT ready for command.”

9. Flesh and Blood, Part I & II
   Bad

10. Shattered
    WoBbLy ShIp

11. Lineage
    Bad

12. Repentance
    Bad

13. Prophecy
    Bad

14. The Void
    WoBbLy ShIp

15. Workforce, Part I & II
    Bad

16. Human Error
    Bad

17. Q2
    Bad

18. Author, Author
    Okay -the Doctor writes a holonovel about his stupid colleagues, it pisses everyone on voyager off.

19. Friendship One
    Bad

20. Natural Law
    Bad

21. Homestead
    Bad

22. Renaissance Man
    GOOD! -Great EMH episode.

23. Endgame, Part I & II
    Bad - THEY DONT EVEN GET TO EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. 1. bad but watch the Michelle Yeoh scenes, she owns. and the timeloop episode.
   2. FUCKING ATROCIOUS but watch the Pike scenes, he owns.
   3. Mid- most competent season to date.
   4. below mid but not awful. You could watch the start and the end and not miss too much

this post assumes some familiarity with the game Neon White, such as the general flow of picking up cards, shooting them, and discarding them for various movement abilities. Familiarity with things like vectors in 3d space will also be handy, but hopefully not required. I'm not really sure if there's an 'appropriate' level of familiarity for this post, because gods knows where it's going. If you haven't seen it already, you might want to just watch the recent GDQ run, where you'll see some bits and pieces of this fly by!

there's a lot of systems at play and things to optimize for in Neon White, so I figured it'd be worth collating together a bunch of the finer details that are all helpful for playing the game well at a high level. i'm not going to be going over things like routing lines or anything, but moreso the details of the mechanics and how they interact. I've edited most of this information into the community tech document by this point, but that lacks a lot of the deeper details that I want to write about / hopefully my prose glueing things together here paints a better picture of the systems at play, so that understanding the game and breaking it accordingly is easier for anyone who wishes to do so! (and also it's totally possible there's some random bullshit detail I forgot to ever put into the tech doc that I'll throw out somewhere in here)