I get rejected fairly often for things. Not least, it's a normal part of sending in my writing for various publications to consider when their submissions are open. I have had a few acceptances over time, and proportionally, many more rejections. That's just the nature of the process.

Very occasionally, I am in the position of communicating rejections to other people.

Folks, when it's work-related, no matter how you feel about getting rejected, it's useful to practice sticking to a simple response along the lines of: "Thank you for letting me know. I enjoyed the opportunity to submit, and will be excited to try again in the future." Or sometimes, there's no need to respond at all.

I usually don't reply when receiving routine writing rejections, because editors and readers have hundreds of stories to read, and their time is precious. They don't need to also parse small emails from me about a routine rejection. If there's feedback, I might write back with thanks for their taking the extra time and effort to offer that. But most publications don't have the capacity to offer feedback with hundreds of submissions at a time.

Am I disappointed when I get rejected? Sure. But also I try not to take it personally, because it usually isn't. They have a very few spaces for publication each time, hundreds of stories to consider for each space, and not everything I write will be a great fit for every publication. Or even if my story might have worked for them in general, it might not be a good fit for a remaining word count/budget for this issue. Or maybe they have already got another story with a similar theme planned for that issue. There are a million possible reasons why I might be rejected, and very few of those are likely to be personal.

And even if they were personal, what can I do about that? I can't control how other people feel about my work, or about me. I can only focus on doing the best job I can with getting the stories in my head, out of my head and onto a page. That's the area where I have some control, and I'm best off saving my energy for that instead.

Maybe my story didn't work this time. But I want to leave the door open for next time. Standing out by leading with hurt feelings about being rejected isn't the thing I want to be remembered for. I want to stand out for my writing, not for expecting extra emotional labour to handle, when everyone's time is precious.

Feelings of hurt or disappointment are natural, but those feelings are also best processed elsewhere with sympathetic friends, or in therapy, or in a journal, rather than with other people in professional roles that naturally involve saying: "Thank you for submitting, but no this time" to hundreds of people, over and over again.

And then in the future if I do get accepted (and again, I have had a few of those too), I will be glad I didn't stand out for the wrong reasons, or in the wrong way. In the routine scheme of things, you want to foreground your work, and then secondary to that, yourself as a good person to work with. You're more likely to come across that way if you say: "I see. Thank you for letting me know. I enjoyed the opportunity to submit, and will be excited to try again in the future."

Or just say nothing at all.

Take it away, Ronan Keating! 😂