Because I feel like it, I'm gonna write about a part of the DID system experienceTM in the second person for your understanding as the reader.
I am calling the impression others get of the system Body. Body is a funny little character that represents an entire system and yet doesn't really represent any system member at all. It's the summary of all the actions of all system members that whoever you're talking to has seen.
Here's the situation.
You hold Opinion A. It can be a simple like or dislike, or can be more complex. Doesn't matter.
You are fronting in a DID system. You are simply existing in a body, piloting said body, talking to someone.
Then, it happens: the conversation reaches the topic that Opinion A is about. There are a few possible states of knowing here:
- Maybe, you are aware that the first alter that spoke of this topic held Opinion B, so Opinion B is what Body holds.
- Maybe, you are not aware of what opinion "you" are supposed to hold.
- Maybe, Body holds Opinion A like you do, leading to no inconsistency.
Let's pretend that you are knowing that Body holds Opinion B while you hold Opinion A.
Here are your options.
1. You can assert Opinion A.
Pro: You get to express yourself and show who you are. You get to express your opinion, just like a singlet!
Con: You could look like a liar or even a manipulator since "you" hold Opinion B. Did you forget? Are you stupid? What is going on with you? Body might not be you, but it sure looks like you to everyone else, even over the internet!
2. You can mask and say Opinion B.
Pro: You stay safe and are taking the simplest way out as well -- sometimes, this option is automatic, and it actually takes extra effort to not take it! Body just does it for you.
Con: You are not expressing yourself. Sometimes, this is appropriate and necessary, like in the case of work, school, or doctor's appointments. Other times... this really sucks, and you're aware it sucks. You might even deal with the existential dread that you will never be seen, and you will die forgotten without ever being heard or known. Body has trapped you forever!
3. You can stay silent.
Pro: You stay safest, aside from if escape from the conversation is difficult. It means no cognitive dissonance in situations where that would really plague you, such as with especially sensitive topics.
Con: You are not only not expressing yourself and possibly dealing with the existential dread mentioned under the previous option -- you might also be feeling anxious or lonely, in need of attention of some kind, and unable to get it! It is simple for others to say, "Just say what you want," but in this state or situation... you literally can't. It starts to feel pointless to have other conversations since you can't express yourself to the level you want to anyway.
In short, all of these options suck!
I call this "Type 2 Impostor Syndrome." It's a play on the original impostor syndrome everyone loves (/s), but with the twist that this "impostor" is more literal -- an alter is fronting and being forced to represent Body. That alter is not Body.
In a singlet, Body is piloted all the time by one single mind with a fairly continuous sense of self, timeline, and collection of memories. Body is named the same name as the brain piloting it. Body most likely looks and seems plausible and acceptable, at least in its actions. Those actions have reasons that a singlet can easily deduce since the singlet knows relatively well how they think and what they would've been thinking. While a singlet's sense of self is not synonymous with their actions, the connection is heavy and obvious.
In a system, this is simply not true, and you often have to weigh your options even with simple things like likes and dislikes, let alone opinions on deeper, more sensitive topics like politics, religion, relationships, and gender identity. You might not know how another alter thinks, and you might not even know who performed any actions in question. Nonetheless, the expectations are the same, and you must act like you remember what you do not remember and know what you do not know.
So, the impostor syndrome hits on another level.
Signing off, Lucien (Luci), impostor extraordinaire, expert manipulator. (/hj)