I've been meaning to write something on this for a long while but for the past month I've annoyingly been really depressed and overwhelmed by the december of it all. a constant state of anxious paralysis and lack of executive function.
anyways, I wanted to describe a feeling I've noticed as my introversion has been particularly in season lately and while I've managed to have some genuinely great, energising, and interesting one-to-one conversations with friends and partners who are really on my wavelength, after an hour or so (even though I want to keep talking), the things the other person is saying just completely go in one ear and out the other. that feeling of "oh god, this person I like and respect and want to listen to has been talking for the past 2 minutes solid and I've just spent the whole time completely inside my head thinking about some absolute nonsense and now I need to make an educated guess of how to react appropriately".
with people I don't have that chemistry with, I've barely been able to manage more than the most basic of smalltalk.
lately I've become a lot more conscious and aware of the specific neurological feeling of social and conversational burnout, and it's manifested in a way I can really feel: like having twirly eyes and smoke emenating from my head. all I can realistically do - apart from doing a very poor job of pretending to have the energy to listen and talk more - is just enjoy some quiet company where no conversation is needed.
recently I did have a random chat with my housemate purely about video games, just interesting topics about games we're both into and absolutely nothing deeper than that, and it was kinda like a breath of fresh air compared to times I've talked about more "real" shit - not that I don't greatly appreciate those talks with the right person. in fact I barely felt burned out at all. boy, I really can just talk about games for ages.
hopefully my batteries can gain a bit more capacity in the new year when it comes to interacting with people, but being more consciously aware of that specific twirly-eyes-smoking-head feeling has at least let me set boundaries for myself with conversation and made it easier to elucidate how I'm feeling and ask if it's OK to take it easy on the chatter for a while (read: for the rest of the day, probably).
sending wishes of precious private space and nice quiet time to all of you introverts around family these holidays 💚