I'm a sickly being at the moment so this may have a certain first draft-esque air about it, but, hey. i don't care
It's about how I've been connecting to the trans and queer community more recently, probably more than I have at any point since I actually came out, gosh, 8 years ago or so.
When I began transitioning I used a lot of helpful resources to help me through - trans reddit pages, zines, other forums and so on. But there wasn't as much real engagement on my part and nothing really irl apart from an LGBT weekly support group I went to for a while. I'm not sure how much that benefitted me apart from the occasional place to feel comfortable talking about small bits of progress I'd been making. The main thing I took away from those are the harrowing stories of those who'd gone through traumatic things, from suriving the explosion of the AIDS epidemic to transphobic mistreatment by the police.
For a few years following, I had a bunch of trans twitter mutuals who I struggled to connect with, partially due to different personalities and partially due to my own shyness. But as far as my social and medical transition goes, I found the whole process such a long, drawn-out and exhausting trial-by-fire that by the time I had some breathing space I didn't want to think about it for a good long while. I just lived a boring-ass "stealth" life. Not really going to any big efforts to hide anything, just not really ever bringing it up unless the topic actually came up, which it rarely did. Clinging on to my cis friends, who I'm grateful to still have in my life regardless.
I think some of my new-found confidence in embracing both my strengths and weaknesses, and disallowing other people agency over my life, especially when it comes to cishet and neurotypical pressures, has allowed me to realise how nourishing it can be to have the right company. It's a beautiful thing to be in a space where no masking is required, to be more honest and open with who I am, what I need from life, and to drop any pretense about caring about societal norms which I never really gave a shit about.
I'm mainly writing this with inspiration from the recent trans pride weekend I went to, which I pushed myself through despite the onset of illness and was able to observe a truly liberating party - an entirely transgender audience able to drop their inhibitions and share their love, confidence and power. It was beautiful. (plus, Chelsea Manning did a sick DnB/rave DJ set)
I still don't feel as "in the community" as I'd like to be as I still like to be a bit of a cozy homebody, also it's nearly December in the UK, give me a break!!! but it feels like an encouraging start. I've gotten to know new people, and gotten to know some friends better, and I've had way more cuddles, so y'know.
I can only hope the city I live in can continue to support our community; though having been to Pride every year and seeing the visibly trans cohort increase massively each time bodes well. It warms my heart so much to see a stronger and wider trans community because it means anybody who is questioning - regardless of age but especially for younger folk - have more people and resources to turn to.
The amount of people I talked to at trans pride who said "I wish this sort of thing happened more often" was -- well, it was a lot. I hope that happens and I'll do my part to help make it happen if necessary.
Choosing to write things like this on cohost specifically is a no brainer to me. First, I have nuclear weapons-grade nostalgia for LiveJournal, but second and more importantly, it was quickly apparent to me how much of cohost's userbase is made of all you absolutely beautiful, intelligent, interesting trans folk and your dope niche interests and creative talents.