I'm not used to making posts in this way. On Tumblr, if I want to ramble, I usually just put a period here and go off in the tags but I dont think cohost works the same way? Tags feel more categorical (as they should be tbh - like the search function ACTUALLY works here lmao).
Probably will end up utilizing read mores more often here. Here goes (read at your own peril I guess lmao):
I've always made myself and my opinions small so as not to annoy or bother others with my "Stupid Feelings." Yeah so uhhh this stems from a childhood of undiagnosed autism, and family and all my friends telling me they don't want to deal with my "over-the-top emotions" (aka autistic meltdowns). Anyway! Been making myself palatable for other people my entire life and it sucks! But it feels like I don't know how to break out of it just yet! 🙃 but I will persist and refuse the dark urge to delete this post in 0.3 seconds!
I see people and want to interact with them! I see all your likes and comments on my work and I get all warm and fuzzy inside! And at times, I'll try my best to reply to comments but it's not always possible, i.e. I dont always know what to say so I just default to 'thank you' which feels a little hollow if I'm honest! Or maybe it's not necessary? idk!!! My thought is always: "Well I don't wanna be weird!" I'm pretty asocial. So it's hard for me to gauge what to do/ how to respond.
Something else I wanted to talk about was my reluctance to join fandom spaces. While I personally haven't experienced anything terribly negative, I've seen it happen to other POC. Fandom spaces are very white. This is a fact. Black and brown perspectives are often diminished if not outright shut down and pushed out. A vague example, these spaces are rarely open to discussing how their faves may have been influenced by racist ideas or stereotypes, especially when brought up by someone who was affected by that narrative: a brown person!! OR!!! A black/ brown character doesn't get as much attention as their white counterparts or is even hated on or called boring/bad rep (ahem Wyll and Vivienne, my beloved). Some people dont realize that they have these unconscious biases, and some are openly hostile. So while I might really love something and make fanart of it (like right now its BG3 brain rot), I tend to avoid those fan spaces.
TLDR: I'm asocial, so if you comment on my art and I don't respond or just say 'thank youuu,' know that you've given me a lot of joy and I'm probably a little bit in love with you.
Also, I tend not to get involved with fandom spaces because they tend to be racist, whether knowingly or not. And as a black person, I'd rather just not deal with that shit.
