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feral philosopher bug

I don't seem to be able to stop making things and putting them on the internet

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fiction

The Dragon Racer (webnovel)

Heaven Can Wait (novel)

Smashwords

Itch

Fanfic (Ao3)

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music
Bandcamp

Soundcloud

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podcast

(about Japanese RPGs)

Youtube

Libsyn & RSS

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streams

Twitch

Youtube (archives)

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#all my made-up mech pilots

(h/t: @Making-up-Mech-Pilots / @Scampir)

#Denis Urban, fictional sports pundit


MiserablePileOfWords
@MiserablePileOfWords

"Do you think she'll come?"
"Who?"
"You know. Her."
"Oh, right. The cape. How should I know. Maybe?"
"We're doing crimes in her city, aren't we?"
"Yeah, but it's a big city, and she's only one woman. She can't be everywhere all at once."
"Isn't she like, a goddess or something?"
"You're asking me? You know I don't care about that shit. Have you been on the capethirsters forums again? 'Step on me, god-mommy! Strangle me with your lasso!'?"
"Fuck you. I'm serious. She's like, hundreds if not thousands of years old or something. Was there for all kinds of wild shit from history."
"She may be. I don't know. Doesn't change the fact that she's not omnipresent. Probably. Almost definitely, since she's not cleaning our clocks right now. Lots of different kinds of gods out there, you know?"
"... Yeah. I think you're right."
"What, did you want her to show up? I'd just like to go home to my cats after this, thank you very much."
"No, no, I know. It's just. I don't know. Sometimes you want something to happen when you're on lookout duty, you know?"
"No, I don't. No jail or months of traction for me, thank you."


"Damn you, I'm still thinking about your capethirsters forums."
"They're not my forums!"
"Okay, okay, fine, but see if you can follow along. Gods need worshippers to be gods, right? Otherwise they're just another kind of sparkling asshole."
"Yeah, sure, makes sense."
"But we don't really do temples to many gods these days. The Christo-fash majority here don't like those."
"Hang on. Are you calling my mom a fascist?"
"You know what I mean. I'm sure your mother's a perfectly lovely woman."
"Actually, she can be kind of a horrible monster sometimes, so maybe you're on to something."
"Anyway. My point is... my point is... I had a point here somewhere."
"Something to do with capethirsters forums?"
"Yes, thank you. What's an internet full of perverts if not a giant, invisible temple to worship these self-proclaimed gods and goddesses?"
"Wait, are you saying what I think you're saying? That that's why they're wearing those skintight, revealing outfits? It gives them power through... let's call it worship?"
"Weaponised lust, yeah. Ever notice that it's usually the women wearing the skimpiest shit I wouldn't be caught dead in? Figure they're using the objectifying power of the Patriarchy against it. Sort of. At least I hope that's what they're doing, because otherwise... Yikes."
"Huh."


"You think they're almost done? We've been standing out here for ages."
"I don't know, you want to go inside and ask the boss? I'm sure she'd be delighted to tell you. In excruciating detail."
"No, I'm good."
"Wise choice, bro. Besides, I figured you'd be happy it was taking this long. More chance of her making an appearance, you know?"
"... You're never going to let that one go, are you?"
"Not if I can help it, no. I'm going to be asking you if she was there for every job you do from now on. Anyway, chin up, all might not be lost. Isn't she training someone? Sharing the workload, maybe?"
"I thought you didn't follow capes. Anything you want to confess, secret cape groupie?"
"I'm not, just remembered a news segment I caught a while ago."
"Yeah, she's got a sidekick."
"I don't like that term. Especially in this case."
"What, sidekick? Why."
"Sounds too much like side chick, which brings all kinds of... icky connotations with it."
"You have a problem with women getting it on with each other? You?! Miss I've got a girl on every block?"
"Not that, you ass. It's about the inherent power dynamics here. Fraternization gone too far, abuse of authority, and all that. Normally there are strict HR rules against that sort of thing, to at least try to protect the subordinate. I doubt the cape world has the same."
"Oh. Hm. Right, I forgot you came to us from that world. I see your point, though. How about... understudy? Successor, maybe?"
"Thank you, successor sounds better. Although..."
"Now what."
"Well, a successor implies that they'll eventually take over the mantle, right?"
"Sure. Happens all the time."
"Yeah, but Herr Fleder and Wrenn the Fair don't count here. They were just guys. Rich guys playing dress-up and 'beat on the poor some more in a fun cardio way', but in the end, just guys."
"What's the difference?"
"Well, if she is, as you said, a goddess that's lived for hundreds of years already... how's the next generation supposed to ever take over? Apprentices killing their masters is extreme villain shit, after all."
"Oh. Right. Hmmmm. I don't know, maybe it's more like a... franchise?"
"Way to make whoever it is feel special. 'You can be the Whatever of Nowhereville, Whocares.' Speaking of, what's her – I'm assuming it's a her, anyway, given your reply earlier – cape name? Please tell me it's not just a Girl version again. Or worse. Kid something."
"It's a Kid version."
"Oh god. Poor thing."
"Why? I mean, yeah, it feels bad fighting against a kid, and capes really shouldn't recruit kids in the first place, kids should have a chance to just be kids, but..."
"Agree with all of those. Now imagine a woman in her 30s, still in the shadow of the original goddess who never noticeably ages, stuck being called Kid Something because of Brand Recognition?"
"Oof. Yeah. When you put it like that..."


"Boss just pinged me, they're about to come out. I guess it just wasn't meant to be, since neither of them showed up tonight. Sucks to be you."
"I didn't really want them to show up. Just... you know?"
"I know, buddy. I know... So."
"So... what?"
"What do they say about the new one?"
"Who?"
"The people on your capethirsters forums. Do they call her steppy-sister?"
"Oh, fuck you."
"Love you too. Say hi to Irma and the kids for me."

Neither of them looked behind them and up, where a shadowy silhouette had been frozen on the eaves above for a long time, furiously re-examining her life choices...


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