Hello folks, ferals, domesticated critters, and all the other cryptids on cohost!
I'm Katja, an evil being from the mystical land of Ohio! I'm here to ramble about my experiences with dysphoria and such.
"Why?", you ask? I don't know, maybe my experiences can help someone realize something.
Anyway, let's dive right in with the first part!

Dysphoria

I've had gender dysphoria since... I would say around Middle School, I think?
That time overall was a struggle. I've had near constant nightmares since I was a kid, which made me quite anti-social.
Dysphoria is... it's this aching, at least for me personally. This aching that gets so much worse the more you think about it but you can't just stop thinking about it due to how... major it feels.
I would go more into detail, as, I'd like this to be as helpful as possible, but with how hard it is already to word things... all I can think of is that there is a point where you must confront and accept things instead of burying all those feelings like I once did. Bottling such things up can only end with disaster.

Anyways, overtime that dysphoria has changed like I have, which leads us into deeper into this dive!

"Moods"

How do I put this...
Every once in a while, my "mood" changes. What does this actually mean?
Well, it means that every once in a while my whole... me, changes?

Okay okay, better thought: It's a way shitter and far more dysphoric version of shapeshifting.
Imagine you have an invisible tail, well now, thanks to what can only be described as "brain rng", you have more than just a tail! Maybe you have an aching for scales now!
That feeling is stuck to you, too.

That is the best way for me to describe what I deal with constantly.
I can bury those feelings pretty easily now, and I always have a form to fallback to, but... it's still there. But friends and family help! They make things enjoyable, even!
Find folk who can support you; It can help more than you think it could.

And funnily enough, I've found a community and a species that resonates a lot with me.
Amphimorphos!
They're these shapeshifting noodle-shaped aliens created by @TuxedoDragon , go check them out and their comic!
And now I can somewhat confidently say that it's the form I fallback on when I'm stressed/unable to find a "mood" I enjoy.
Also some folk in the community also experience the phantom limb thing like I do and they're pretty cool. <3

"Somewhat? What do you mean?"
Well, thanks to a certain friend (@Ebu), I now have what is probably my most comfortable and fun form ever combined with the fact that I'm now more leaning towards it/its.
Kobold/Amphimorpho pooltoy... thing!(Still working on it lmao)
Now... that's probably really weird, but hear me out.

I find the idea of floating on the water, being light and helpful, and the whole not being organic thing very, very appealing.
It's like... I don't know, you're free to do whatever!
Can float at ease effortlessly and can help if needed... water is really nice, too! It's always been a fixation of mine

This kind of went off the rails to be honest. I swear being in this form has made my adhd more... adhd. I just hope this at least helped one person with their feelings or something.
Incredible first post, I know. /j