dolls, for us, occupy a very autistic place. but combat dolls in particular feel to us like a manifestation of a certain autistic emotional+mental state.
i don't fully have the words to label this state directly. it is a cousin to anger. it is also a cousin to helplessness, and fear. it is the state we enter when we have to venture out into a world which feels uninhabitable to autistic beings.
it's the emotions we feel by a loud busy road, and when we have to force a car to stop for us. when we are barraged with stimulation attacks from store speakers and too-bright lights. when we have to interact with humans. when our plans go awry.
when we are in Hostile Territory, on a Mission, attacked on all sides, and we feel ready to snap at any moment, and we have to dissociate+depersonalize to survive, and we feel like anything which stands in the way of the task we are trying to accomplish, anything which threatens the plan in any way, must be immediately destroyed, ideally with an enormous sword.
