This is a repost from a Twitter thread I made back in June 2018. I will be resurfacing old threads I happen to like from time to time to make them available on cohost too!
This is also my longest-surviving series of tweets as they were being RT'd right into 2022. I will link to part 2 from here when I post it later.
[Back in 2017], "beatmastrJ" started to post photos in the DIY section of the Something Awful forums. Here was the bathroom as it was and a sketch of the plan (see above).
Upgrades included new lighting and electrical plus a medicine cabinet. There is a lack of GFCI here but it isn't the worst thing.
The way the wall studs were cut bothers me too but here's how it looks with the drywall all mudded.
It's time to destroy the bathtub.
A window was also removed and the exterior was re-stucco'd.
It's time to rip out the subfloor for a new tub!
Someone noticed something [and replied to the thread:]
Are those engineered I beams that you cut the top off of?
[To which beatmastrJ replied:]
Yes, which i'm sure is not to code, but its the only way I can accomplish what I'm trying to do.
No big deal. Violate a little bit of code to get a bit further.
And yes. He cut right into the engineered beams.
Someone goes into detail about why he did a bad thing.
I started writing up a big post but I don't think it will be constructive.
Basically the jist is this: You've done a really bad thing and are making some choices that will have serious consequences. I suggest stopping here for a bit and thinking things over. Also ask lots of questions and listen to what alot of people are about to say here.
[So he replies.] It's DIY! Get messy! Make mistakes!
Well the fun part about posting your project online is that the internet is a ruthless foe, quick to point out your mistakes. Obviously i'm a bit vested into this project to stop now, but i do encourage any advice people may have on how to proceed. While normally I do my best to stay within code compliance (to the best of my knowledge) I may take some liberties here and there. But I'm certainly not looking to destroy my home so I don't take these things with a grain of salt and do my best to over engineer anything I may have done wrong. Code compliance issues are a dime a dozen I'm sure, but most people turn a blind eye if they never saw it happen. While I may not be doing things completely right, I don't have a blatant disregard for what I'm doing. I've invested a ridiculous amount of time into thinking about all the details of this project already.
I'm happy to share my future plans with people if that would solicit helpful advice, but telling me I did something wrong without offering any constructive advice is not helpful.
He was called out a few times so he replied with a solution to his follies.
Here is my idea for strengthening the beams prior to installing the new subfloor. Let me know if anyone has any suggestions.
New 2x4's will be added to the top (with a slot cut to slide onto the beam).
Plywood "bridge supportsā will be added directly below the 2x4s extending beyond the cut area.
2x4 cross members will be added between each beam for extra rigidity.
Front view and side view of proposed plan:
Clearly nobody thought that he knew what he was doing.
Dude I really think you need to consult with someone before moving forward on this.
Have you talked to an engineer about this?
He relented and said he'd get a professional involved...
OK, you guys scared me sufficiently enough that I reached out to some engineers. I spoke with one and he gave me some suggestions on how to accomplish what I want to do. Might involve some contractors but it's probably the right thing to do. So for now this will be on hold until I can get some contractors over.
Will post part 2 sometime later!
So let's continue!
[He posts some more:]
I have not had great experiences with contractors which makes me want to do more myself. Perhaps some day when I finally have a good experience I'll change my mind, but the fact of the matter is most of them are shit.
I would definitely consider myself more of a designer than an engineer.
I can handle the wrath of the internet. In between all the naysayers there are some smart people on this forum who certainly know more than I do about many things. Just because I can afford a contractor doesn't mean I want to part with my money if I don't need to. There is a certain sense of accomplishment I feel from doing these types of projects myself, and If I can save a bunch of money at the same time then I can feel even better about it. Plus I get to make micro decisions that a contractor would have definitely taken some liberties on and control the end result much better.
[He continues with me asking here:] where do you get an engineer to stamp a project like this for $500?
We all have expensive lessons in life but I'm a quick learner. I've gotten far in life by doing things myself and learning from my mistakes. I'm sure people are going to continue to give me shit because it makes them feel better about themselves. But at the end of the day I still get to feel better about myself for getting up and doing something most people don't have the balls to do themselves, mistakes or otherwise.
There are certainly a lot of details, like vapor barriers, that will come up during this project. I have pretty fair Knowledge of most of the tasks I'm doing, but there are still some things I plan to leave to professionals, like the shower. Either way, I appreciate your much more constructive feedback and hope other people will take the same approach.
Actual Translation (since you're a moron): The kind of engineer that would insult someone rather than being professional and offering courteous advice, then touting themselves as being an engineer. It's the equivalent of me having a heart attack on the street and a doctor pointing and laughing saying, "Haha you're dumb cause you're having a heart attack! BTW I'm a doctor!". It's a douchebag move and you're obviously a douchebag as well for not recognizing that. I don't expect anyone to help me for free. But just getting help has been a challenge in itself.
On the other hand, I have spoken to two engineers that have been very helpful and responsive and both have offered to draw up engineering plans for $500. One is convinced the beams will not need to be replaced. I haven't jumped on either of these plans yet since I'm still gathering data.
Finally I come in to ask a question that nobody else noticed.
(I had an interest in being an electrician once so I notice these things)
Where are your GFCIs and are you going to use junction boxes anywhere?
Not advocating Internet detective work but someone found his LinkedIn [and mentioned]...
I found your LinkedIn page. "Self-taught DIY expert." LOL
He later responded to me telling me that all junctions are accessible and the vanity outlets are going to be GFCI. This is good.
What is not good is his early project where he used junction boxes and sealed them up. Hence why I asked!
Apparently this thread's follies are not his first rodeo! [Someone else chimed in:]
I recognize that bed! He posted a couple years back in the electrical thread about that very bed and we had to fight with him then about it!
He attempts to steer the thread in the direction he wants...
I'm going to attempt to derail this thread with some actual project questions.
Anybody have any ideas how to mount this valve? Most Kohler valves come with mount points that can be screwed to a backer 2x4, but this one seems to be absent of those. My thoughts are that it is held in place with rigid copper pipe that is Strapped in place, but I'm using PEX so that's not going to help much. Any ideas oh how to mount this beast?
(Notes: Yes, I'll be using teflon tape, i'm just testing the fittings. I'll probably get a longer pipe between the valve and the spout based on clearance between the valve cover and tub spout. )
I thought that code didn't matter?
By the way this thread is 60+ pages. The hilarious thing has yet to come.
It's my goal to do everything up to code, and once I get a contractor involved, it's likely there will be permits needed, possibly for other things, which i'll take care of if needed. That being said, my last home had an extensive bathroom remodel without any permits and there were no issues when it was sold.
I am not going to post everything as it does get cyclical. It took six pages but finally, someone (me) posts this infamous photo.
This will continue in part 3!
Someone figured out why he cut into the sub-floor/joists: he wants to make a mold-ridden rock garden around the tub recessed into the floor.
Can't have a thread on SA without a cat hanging out in the dilapidated bathroom.
At some point he removed the drywall so he could fix some "plumbing issues" and to get it inspected. Here's the damage thus far.
Finally we get a response on how much it'll cost to fix his blunder. $5,500.
Repair floor joist (ball park number may need to revise after architect and inspector give recommendations) - $5500
It's an extensive list of repair work needing to be done. How this is being done for $5,500 is beyond me but I am not a contractor.
Here's a list of items the contractor will be tackling for the curious
- Engineering of the joists
- Repair/replace joists
- Redo tub plumbing (necessary after joist repair)
- Fix vanity plumbing
- Install new backer and tile vanity wall
- Fix any problems with the new shower wall
- Bathtub faucet plumbing
- Bathtub subfloor install and tiling
- Shower drain plumbing
- Shower benches/threshold framing
- Remove old electrical/lighting from shower area
- All shower fixture plumbing
- Shower pan build and hot mop
- Run old jacuzzi wiring to new location for heated floor/outlets
- Install steam shower
- Install backer and tile in shower/ceiling
- Install shower lights
- Frameless shower glass install
- Remove the old shower wall (partial - engineer to check)
- Cap off old shower plumbing
- Install floor heating element
- Install floor tile
- Demo as needed
- Passing all inspections
Definitely an above-board engineer.
So the engineer just left. Guy totally reminded me of the bookstore owner from The Neverending Story. Old, very soft spoken. Initially seemed taken aback a bit by the situation but not outwardly so. He took measurements of my entire house and said he can make it work but he did seem a bit concerned about having the inspector see the joists, so he recommended fixing it (but still leaving my 2" inch drop) and covering it up before the inspector comes over as he thinks it would raise a lot of red flags. But either way, it sounded like he was just going to sister in some 4x10's next to the joists and leave the old ones in place.
Unsure if he is being serious [with this post].
Since | have some time before I'll ever get to the point of actually installing my bathtub, I put together a mock mold garden to see how well it grows in my bathroom. I splashed it with a bit of water and will let it fester for a while. Will update as spores progress.
Now for the final part. The part I had been dying to post about.
There's a good chance | would have not compromised my floor joists knowing what | know now. But the damage has been done and the cost to fix it is essentially the same as it is to continue with my original plan. I may not use my tub much, but | also don't remodel things as a bachelor. My closet was designed with a woman in mind despite not being married. Likewise, my bathroom is designed with a woman in mind. It will have a powder room that will be completely useless to me, but is the kind of thing a woman would look at and say, OMG I want this. In the same vein, if a woman sees a nice inviting looking bathtub they are going to swoon. And since woman play an unfair role in the home-buying process, a woman who falls in love with my bathroom is going to help me sell my home (someday). You may not like the design, but I assure the finished product will exceed your expectations.
Yup. He's a sexist pig and is designing this bathroom with some magical woman in mind. He is also not married so "load-bearing spouse" does not apply.
[Now he's] doubling down.
You don't know many women, do you?
Enough to know which parts of the bathroom they like.
[And continuing to do so.]
I'm not sure how much a woman will enjoy an oppressively masculine dark black-and-red bathroom with minimal natural lighting tbh. That bathroom is going to be very dark. I know I'd take a pass or come in with a lower offer than I'd make on the "builder's grade" bathroom.
I guess I should also note that the design has changed a bit from the original; The red wall is going away. But yes, it will be somewhat dark. But that will be offset a bit by a lot of lighting.
He replies to me assuming that I was at the time not married ([I am now divorced]).
Apparently you've never bought a house with a wife? Under most circumstances the wife makes the final say on whether or not a couple buys a home. I've heard this from the many real estate agents I've worked with in the past that assure me this is most often the case.
My ex-spouse has since then bought a nice place and I doubt will cut her floor joists in an attempt to make her bathroom better.
A woman opines and he responds.
Since you took the time to respond constructively, I'll do the same.
I'd like to keep as much natural light as possible, but relocating the shower forced me to block one of the windows. That being said, there are still two very large windows in the bathroom which is without question more than your average bathroom has, including the large master bathroom I had in my previous home.
The tub will be in the exact same location it was prior to the remodel. If anyone awkwardly placed it, its the original home builders. That being said, I don't feel its out of place. It will be in a corner and under a window, which is where most tubs reside. As for the tub storage, the notch in the wall is not tiny, but it is also not a bookshelf. Most modern designs don't have a lot of clutter, and my design doesn't allow for a lot of clutter on purpose.
The shower is cavernous. I'm not sure if you've used a large shower before but I had a multi-head large shower in my previous bathroom and it didn't get cold. Unless you're shaving, chances are you will still be under some part of the water stream which will keep you warm. Additionally my design has floor to ceiling glass which will trap in heat (while still having a vent so as not to make a mildew pit). There are two notches in the shower, opposite the shower heads, to hold shampoo and soaps for storage, and two perfectly good benches to store excess items on if needed. There will be a hand shower installed as well (this is hard to add in a 3d render with my skill level). Also there should be no problems standing out of the water whilst shaving with the amount of space in the shower (and various faucet controls).
The vanity tops don't allow for a lot of storage on top, but there will be some, including the middle section. There are storage cabinets and drawers under the sinks which will provide a fair amount of storage. There is an additional vanity that will be large and dedicated for makeup with a large mirror, ample storage and plenty of light, counter space and outlets. This is not shown in my 3d rendering but will be inside of the bathroom taking the place of the old shower.
There is no dedicated robe storage but with the closet being right next to the shower door it would be easy to store them inside the closet. It would also be pretty easy to add some robe hooks in the bathroom if I decide to go that route. There will be towel shelves as part of the design (again not shown in the 3d render).
I think he's single for a reason, everyone.
I do. That's because the marriages i'm in close relation to are more depressing than happy. I have a good life and maybe some day I'll get married, but I'm certainly not in a rush.
Nothing he said was sexist. His broad-ranging opinion about bathrooms is not a sexist remark at all.
There was nothing sexist about what I wrote and I'm certainly not trying to be sexist. Had I wrote, "You've obviously never used a large shower", sure. I can't assume you've used a large shower before, so saying, "I'm not sure if you haveā seems fair to me. But lets not split hairs about that. I had one in my previous bathroom and I was simply commenting on my personal experience.
Okay. Thread is over [he says].
K, i'm done, this is getting way too goony.
Just kidding. He has to get the last word in.
This is probably a mistake but whatever. It seems we have all calmed down a bit, myself included.
I'd like to say some things now. In a forum. On the internet.
- I said some things that sounded sexist. It was not my intention to sound this way. I don't consider myself to be sexist and I'll refrain from claiming I know everything women want in life. I may not be married, and while my personal relationships are of little relevance, i'm not disconnected from the female sex. Although, as mentioned by someone else, this forum is hardly representative of the average female. That being said, I still stand by my statement that women make home buying decisions (not unfairly, just factly).
[...]
- And what's with the job bashing? I mean, I assume no matter what job title I provided I would have gotten the same, "Oh that explains it. He's employed as X. No wonder he's such a fuckup!" Are Sales Engineers really that notoriously bad? Really its my job to keep sales people from saying things that aren't true and showing people how stuff works. It was not an easy job to get and not one that they hand to anyone with a high-school diploma. I do actually have to know a lot of stuff to do my job. But sales is sales, and I'm the last person that would call myself a "salesperson", but I don't know why we are just automatically bad people altogether.
Anyway that's all I can think of for now. Please be nice to me, I'm not better than anyone here, I just like different things.
Also I have nothing to report. Still waiting for engineering plans. Hoping to hear back on that next week.
We're still dogpiling him for being a sexist pig.
Please dont drag me back into a "sexist rant", but the whole picking apart what I said is exactly this. think (I HOPE) its clear to everyone that I'm being sincere and not trying to insult anyone. I think itās pretty clear i'm not referring to animals when I say female, it's semantics.
I was merely posting facts that women have a voice in the home buying process. But you're right, lets drop it. Please.
Lmao, Olive Garden! So lolz! Also, not even close.
He still hasn't learnt [and replied as expected to a woman].
Do not fucking call women "females" you fucking asshole. If your defense against being told your behavior is sexist is "don't criticize me or I'll get even more sexist!" you are fucking trash and I hope your electrified bedframe burns your chinstrap off.
You are the worst kind of female.
Its fucking semantics, get over it.
He was promptly probated for this response to me and never replied to the thread again. It went on forever after this but yeah.
Explains why at your late 30s you are single.
It really doesn't actually. There are far better reasons. But bitching about minor details makes you a cranky nag. My message and intentions were clear. There was no need to rip it apart because someone feels violated over a subtly different word.
Real question: Has any man in this thread ever been upset by being called a male? If more than three people say yes I'll stop saying female.
(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
The next part will be the last and will have the big reveal for why this is called "Doom Bathroom! This part was long so thanks for reading this far!
A little over half a year later, the big reveal finally came and I posted a Twitter thread to document it. Much of the original content can be found in this thread on the Something Awful forums.
Do y'all remember "bEatmstrJ"? Well he finally posted photos of his bathroom.
[The above are not renders. They're real.]
It looks like some hyper-masculine garbage heap.
Some choice replies [to him] from the thread he posted the photos in:
This is like if an EXPRESSMen on the Klingon homeworld circa 2007 gained sentience and was asked to design a bathroom.
Assuming these are not renders, have you considered the possibility of.........more hdr????
I had no idea about the history here. I thought... Buh nevermind what I thought, I guess. I hope you and your bathroom are happy together!
My favorite is the rock bed around the tub that would instantly be full of pubic hair, flecks of flint and toilet paper and other bathroom detritus
[A mistake was noticed:]
I just wanted to point out that I tracked down that hideous baroque damask wallpaper to its manufacturer, and
a) it's glitter wallpaper
b) according to the manufacturer site, he installed it upside down
what I am saying is that is basically something out of a Trump hotel
I made a conscious decision to install it in that direction because I personally think it looks better that way.
There is this reply too.
You're going to crack your skull open on your tub, why would you use the slipperiest looking tile you could find in your bathroom?
E: Why a chandelier in front of the mirror.
E2: Why did you cut your joists out for this???
The rug gets moved over to the tub when being used. It was weird to put another rug in front of the tub right next to the vanity rug.
For light. It's not in the way.
Rocks.
Oh gosh. These replies are too good.
Your house is extremely gamer
Ah yes, the Wolfenstein bathroom level
Women will love that bathroom as long as they're Vampire the Masquerade LARPers
More explaining from him.
Now that I've got the lazy dunks out of my system, serious question: Why is the solution to no rug in front of the bathtub not just ābigger rug"? Or two rugs? Would that really mess up the a e s t h e t i c that much? It seems nuts to have this Korean sex vampire bathroom stuffed full of luxury signifiers but you have to drag a rug around when you get in the tub if you don't want to step out onto cold tiles.
I spent a bit a time trying to work out the rug situation. I would have had to get a larger rug, but I couldn't find any I liked that came in multiple appropriate sizes. And putting two rugs there doesn't make sense. It takes about 1 second to move the rug over to the bathtub when needed.
We now have a theme song for this bathroom.
Cut my floor into pieces
This is my redpill resort
Someone wrote a change log for the bathroom.
Love Hotel
Patch notes v1.3
+++bugfixes+++
- fixed players falling through the floor in the Goth Room (for real this time)
+++known issues+++
female NPCs not spawning
shower stall intermittently clipping into bathroom
frequent crash-to-marble
Now being that he built this bathroom to target "females", speaking as one I can safely say that this is basically a bad 3D render and I wouldn't want to set foot in it at all.
I am not sure if it helps that I am really gay.
Oh boy. He posted unedited photos!
Anyway, this was the end of my Twitter thread. Someone made a Doom WAD which Vice covered. You can download the WAD here.
i was telling my girlfriend about BATHDOOM and found this thread again. i noticed one detail that no one, even most people in the SA thread, noticed at first:
the inexplicable painting of himself dressed up as napoleon bonaparte he hung on the wall in the corner
