Its a little funny, in a deeply relatable way, watching younger transfolk become jaded with stereotyped trans femme norms. Like yeah, finding meaningful community and connection is hard as hell, and I'm still figuring it out myself.
Honestly- I think there's a part of me that's given up on the concept of a community. Maybe building deep relationships and finding ways to protect myself and those I love is enough.
One of my beefs with a lot of spaces is this sort of unchecked parasociality- creating an illusion of everyone being there for each other in a sort of one-sided community, and then using said community to solicit action, funds, clout, etc. Its especially dangerous when there's an all-encompassing grandeur. Its easy to mobilize people into doing whatever when you upsell everything you do as moral, rational, or realistic.
IME, these spaces can just burn someone so badly. It sucks feeling invested in spaces only to realize later the people in those spaces don't acknowledge you, provide anything other than empty promises, or even really know who you are.
And to a degree, I do think some degree of parasocial-ness is unavoidable in our modern day. But that can be managed by being explicit. Tell people what you're about when you're building a platform/space. Be clear what the limits are and what is the thing that's ultimately being asked and offered.