nini

This is something I aspire to. Yall are inspiration to me, and my only hope is that some day I can be inspiration to others

But the actual me is mean, and hissing, and frustrated, even if I want to pamper and support and squeeze and all the indecent things with all the decent people.

And I still need to work.

This hurts me so much because all of the advice I see for unmasking is to indulge stims and fixations and such, but I don't even know what I've been repressing. I can't just ask myself what my preferred stim is, you know? Nothing comes to mind, nothing feels held back. Instead, I just feel hollow inside and I don't know what to put in there.