so long, and thanks for all the fish

so the other night I had a little birthday dinner with my folks; my girlfriend and I went over to my parents' house and had steak dinner with them and my sibling. and first of all, it's the first time I've ever been able to bring that partner along to a function with my family; she's disabled and I usually end up bringing my husband-- but my husband is still waiting on a negative covid test result after fully 14 days of testing positive, so I was like "surely my parents will be cool with me bringing my girlfriend."

second, for the first time ever in my life, I had no problem at all asking to bring a different partner along than usual-- I have always struggled with these internal thought processes of "what if my parents just say they're cool with my polyamory but they're shitty to my partners" and used to be too afraid to even attempt rocking the boat. but this time around I was just like "hey I'd like to bring [other partner] along if that's cool; could I have a +1?" and of course, my family was cool with it and we all had a really nice time together. they treated her like part of the family just like they always have with any of my partners, and she had a really great time.

but then the best part is, the next day my mom called me and was like "hey so like, just so you know: you were so relaxed and happy at dinner last night, and it was just completely apparent how much better you're doing with your mental health these days. and it's very clear that going back home with your partners has been really good for you, and Dad and I were really happy to see that." and holy shit I just feel SO good and encouraged by it-- like damn, I know I've been doing better; but to have it recognized and acknowledged and to be supported like this is... Very Cool. I'm really glad that my family (especially my parents) are as progressive and supportive as they are. as I often do when I'm feeling the gratitude for my folks, I wish everybody had the kind of familial support that I do.

step 1: it's allowed for you to ask for what you need
step 2: it's good for you to ask for what you need
step 3: it's allowed for you to ask for what you want
step 4: it's good for you to ask for what you want

and the result of it was that I realized I have the majority of my timeline back. see, I finished¹ EMDR last week, and lately I've had a much easier time placing memories and social/world events within specific years in my personal timeline-- and that's incredible. trauma had tangled up my brain to the point that the past 20-some years were a weird blurry mishmash of experiences, but now it's suddenly so much more organized and easy to file things here. I'm feeling really great about the fact that I can actually sort and place old memories now instead of like, sitting in a disorganized pile on the floor.

but here's the funny part: I only realized this last Saturday evening when one of my partners asked when the movie Taken came out², and I-- having never seen the movie Taken, only memes of Liam Neeson from the movie Taken-- answered correctly without hardly thinking about it lmao

1. or at least, we switched to an as-needed basis instead of weekly, because we've finished processing as many traumatic events as I can remember being formative in my life. I'm free to contact her for more appointments if I ever suddenly remember another important thing that I need to process (:

2. (it came out in 2008)

This is literally a DBT skill. I remember in therapy thanking maladaptive behaviors for their service when they had been useful and then telling them they're no longer needed