EMDR is so fascinating in the way my brain handles the emotional drop each time. yesterday was a relatively easy processing day, and yet last night I fell asleep before midnight and slept for almost 12 hours. brain just needed the rest I suppose!
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posts from @fluffy-shenanigans tagged #mental health journal
also:
we started processing my first abusive relationship haha... it's A Lot
(but also, I'm really glad we're getting around to it)
having one of those days where I've been able to get things done, but I feel like I'm having to very carefully meter out my spoons for them. might call out from DBT tonight and treat myself to a little bit of Doing Nothing? feels like it might be the preferable option this week tbh
it certainly does not help that my shitty abusive ex has been on my mind a lot since we finished processing my childhood trauma in EMDR last week lol. I just can't tell how much of it is my brain exploring the overall trauma experience within a safe environment vs how much of it is my internal process going "okay we finished the first part, now let's hurry up and get on to the next bit. chop chop bitch, do it Now; I'm sick of suffering" (but like lmao, I can only go so fast on that and do so much at a time, so)
it is funny how used to the EMDR routine my brain has gotten at this point. even though I don't have it this week (therapist is out of town), I can feel my body gearing itself up for resilience mode. I do think it'll be a good idea to take it easy today.
emailed the schedule coordinator to let them know I won't be making it to group today, and they were like "okay just so you remember, we gotta charge you a $50 fee for canceling within the 24-hour window." so I immediately had an anxiety attack about it, and almost cried thinking I might have to force myself through spoon-using activities to avoid paying a fee
but then I did NOT cry, and instead of crying I texted my partner about it, and he was like "hey take care of yourself whatever that looks like; I don't mind if we end up having to pay $50." so I feel better knowing that we can handle a $50 fee right now, and I feel WAY better knowing that taking the night off is the right decision given I almost had a crying meltdown about it. either way I'm keeping a mental note to bring this experience up at EMDR next week, because damn I'm definitely feeling the fallout from it right here
having one of those days where I've been able to get things done, but I feel like I'm having to very carefully meter out my spoons for them. might call out from DBT tonight and treat myself to a little bit of Doing Nothing? feels like it might be the preferable option this week tbh
it certainly does not help that my shitty abusive ex has been on my mind a lot since we finished processing my childhood trauma in EMDR last week lol. I just can't tell how much of it is my brain exploring the overall trauma experience within a safe environment vs how much of it is my internal process going "okay we finished the first part, now let's hurry up and get on to the next bit. chop chop bitch, do it Now; I'm sick of suffering" (but like lmao, I can only go so fast on that and do so much at a time, so)
it is funny how used to the EMDR routine my brain has gotten at this point. even though I don't have it this week (therapist is out of town), I can feel my body gearing itself up for resilience mode. I do think it'll be a good idea to take it easy today.