we dated 12 years ago and it wasn't healthy for either of us; we both came into the relationship with a lot of trauma and we bonded over unhealthy common ground and codependent tendencies. so we avoided talking to each other for a while after breaking up, and then 5 years ago they messaged me letting me know they were working through some shit in therapy and they were sorry for the way things fell apart between us. I was unsure of their motivations, and unready/unwilling to repair our friendship just yet, so I didn't do much to reach out and let it fall to the wayside again.
but lately...I don't know, maybe it's the therapy or maybe it's the urge I feel for closure. but I reached out to them today, and I'm really glad that I did. they told me they honestly weren't ready for it either yet 5 years ago, and I can tell from the way they talk about things that they're in a much better place now than back when we dated. they figured out that they're plural, and have worked out with their headmates how to negotiate control, and I can tell that I'm talking to the person/system I knew back then in a completely different context. they understand boundaries, and are so much better at expressing themselves and asking for space. they talk about their progress as ongoing and constantly improving rather than "I fixed it, I'm all better now." I don't feel the same sense of instability from them that I did when we broke up (or even from 5 years ago when they first reached out), and I'm really proud of them for having obviously put in the work.
I also briefly met (over text) their partner whom they've been seeing for the past 7 or 8 (ish?) years, and they're super cool. I can tell we'd get along. my ex has a type lmao. the more I think about it, the more sure I am that I feel really good attempting to reconnect with them and become friends again.