(not that I didn't take care of myself yesterday, just that preventative care looks a lot different than treatment)
I started my day today by drinking a bunch of water while I looked at tumblr and cohost, and then I made myself a tea (hot, with milk and sugar) and a toast (buttered). breakfast win, even though it's noon now. brunch win.
I also took my daily meds an hour early last night to make up for the fact I forgot them on NYE, and my brain is so much more with it and focused today. good lord I was feeling the lack of guanfacine yesterday lmao; at least I know now that it is DEFINITELY working for my ADHD symptoms. my psychiatrist will be thrilled.
honestly, I do think I did a very good job of rolling with the punches yesterday-- once I realized I'd missed my medications, I switched into self-care mode almost automatically and started by taking my acute anti-anxiety med (along with ibuprofen for my lingering corn-migraine). and then I sat down, put on a very quiet 20-minute-long ASMR video, and did absolutely nothing but watch it while my meds kicked in. and you know what? THAT SHIT WORKED. 25 minutes later my headache was gone, and I had the power to get up and take care of the important stuff. not the focus (because I was still running on no ADHD meds), but at least I was then functional enough to do things, even if not efficiently.
DBT has been really great at getting me to embrace the baby steps forward, rather than burning myself out on tremendous leaps of exertion. last year around this time, forgetting my medication was an entire day of me feeling shitty and beating myself up for not doing it right-- this year, I fell easily right into the "okay we can't do everything we planned on, BUT we can still take steps in the right direction" mindset. like holy shit I've gotten a lot of good support and skills from CBT and ACT, but I feel like DBT has really been a powerful tool in helping me process my trauma and learn to take care of myself in a more healthy way. I feel like I could say, "DBT has changed my entire life in just 3 months," and it would not be an inaccurate statement. and I'm not even done learning yet! I'm gonna keep practicing these skills for the rest of my life! to some people that might sound like a despairing, hopeless thought, but I find it really encouraging-- it's already helped me so much, and it'll help me even more over my entire life as I continue to get better at wielding the skills.
my partners are still wary of me for the behavior I exhibited last spring & summer, which I think is fair-- we haven't had many interactions face-to-face since then, and the wounds I left on them are still healing. every single one of us has PTSD to some degree; it would be hypocritical of me to be like "omg just get over it already"-- ffs lmao the whole reason I had a breakdown last August was because of MY OWN trauma and c-PTSD. I have all the patience in the world to give my loved ones time and space to heal. I hope I can show them all soon just how far I've come. at the same time, I'm anxious that going home to the same old environment will put me back in that unstable headspace again-- but the longer I'm away and the further I get in my therapy, the more sure I am that I'll be okay.
I keep telling my therapists about how much easier mindfulness has been getting for me over time, and how I feel like it's become one of my mental health strengths. I think I just gotta call my own bluff, and really put my mindfulness skills to the test in stressful situations. yesterday was a fantastic opportunity to test that, and imo I did pretty damn well with it.