so long, and thanks for all the fish

aw man I'm having the most difficult emotions rn ): hate it when my anxiety kicks in and goes "no I don't care that it's dinnertime, we're not eating"

I have so much fucking trauma around partners dumping their shit on me, and now I have to somehow learn how to exist around my current partners without it all bubbling back up every single time one of them gets upset or stressed out. it's very very difficult. I keep having these awful backslides into my brain being like WELL THIS IS IT, THE OTHER SHOE DROPPING; HERE COMES EVERYONE TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH OF A PROBLEM YOU ARE

idk it just sucks that I felt so completely at peace and happy while I was on vacation, and then the very moment I spend a few hours back in a familiar environment with my loved ones, it's like "well okay! time to fucking suffer again!!" like what is it going to fucking take for me to finally get away from the shit eating away at the inside of my own head, without completely abandoning everything I love and care about and just starting everything over

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA okay I'm good now. time to order food

aw man I'm having the most difficult emotions rn ): hate it when my anxiety kicks in and goes "no I don't care that it's dinnertime, we're not eating"

I have so much fucking trauma around partners dumping their shit on me, and now I have to somehow learn how to exist around my current partners without it all bubbling back up every single time one of them gets upset or stressed out. it's very very difficult. I keep having these awful backslides into my brain being like WELL THIS IS IT, THE OTHER SHOE DROPPING; HERE COMES EVERYONE TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH OF A PROBLEM YOU ARE

idk it just sucks that I felt so completely at peace and happy while I was on vacation, and then the very moment I spend a few hours back in a familiar environment with my loved ones, it's like "well okay! time to fucking suffer again!!" like what is it going to fucking take for me to finally get away from the shit eating away at the inside of my own head, without completely abandoning everything I love and care about and just starting everything over

aw man I'm having the most difficult emotions rn ): hate it when my anxiety kicks in and goes "no I don't care that it's dinnertime, we're not eating"

therapy is one of those “fuck why does this have to hurt so bad” kind of things

One thing I think about a lot during, before and after my therapy appointments is that it's under the hammer that steel gets its shape.