@frenemymine on cohost

@frenemymine

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@frenemymine3/30/2024, 7:46 PM

Feeling a bit down about where my life is currently... I was laid off a few months ago as the post-production industry imploded which did not come as a surprise, but I was really hoping to have found a new job by now. I'm definitely going to have to move back in with my folks and I think I am gonna need to just swallow my pride and get a regular person job at Trader Joe's or Kinokuniya or something until I can find a new one-- if the jobs ever do come back. I'm starting to suspect that none of these positions I've been applying to are even serious listings and that they're just collecting resumes or looking for tax breaks.

I want to say I don't think I'm "too good" for this kind of work, but I think I do have a lot of prejudices there. It just feels kind of humiliating that I'm probably gonna be operating a cash register for the first time at 30. If good work doesn't come back soon I don't know how the heck I'm gonna move back out of my parents' house, especially since I own a dog that needs some space. It really stings to have finally been "on the ladder" at a respected industry player for two years and now end up in this position.

I have two siblings who live at home too and I get along very well with my folks these days so I don't think there is going to be too much friction there, but I am bummed I'm going to have to mask all my cringe hobbies. I have a big garbage bag full of my most embarrassing manga (yaoi etc.) that I'm gonna drop off at a little free library early some morning like I'm dumping a dead body. I'm hanging onto my figure collection but I can't really see myself unboxing them. No one would say anything but really, who wants their 30-year-old son who lives at home to have a room full of anime figures? I wanted to get into BJDs and sewing this year but if my dad saw me making clothes for a fucking doll I'd probably keel over and die lol.

I feel a bit guilty for feeling so blue because I have it so good in most ways. I still have a healthy amount of savings, I have a family who don't resent me moving back in after all these years and are really excited to have me around, my health has improved enormously after struggling with bronchiectasis for the past couple of years, and I still haven't gotten COVID despite playing fast and loose compared to a lot of people. But I really thought that I was going to be in a better place in life right now. I don't feel like I will be able to express myself fully living at home, and housing won't become more affordable any time soon.

I will keep looking forward to the things I am excited about like Touhoufest and try to look on the bright side. Working this kind of job might be a nice way to get out of my comfort zone and meet some new friends I otherwise wouldn't have come into contact with. Things can change fast... and hopefully will.

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in reply to @frenemymine's post:

Krake @Krake3/30/2024, 9:25 PM

Man, it sounds like you're having a really hard time, sorry to hear that's how it is. :(

I totally get you on feeling bad about being unemployed. I had a job counseling in a hospital and ever since a shitty event there made me quit I couldn't go back to working. I only recently got a job with events staffing, and I still feel shitty, your self confidence really takes a hit when you feel totally unemployable! Honestly, I feel you on being like "I'm 30 why am I working a customer service job, why am I a cashier, etc." especially when you're someone trained an educated in a more specialized field, but at the end of the day a guy's gotta pay the bills!

Kinokuniya is a super cute store and I love going there, I bet you'd have a great time around all the manga and stuff. I dunno about Trader Joe's but the workers at the one I go to seem marginally less lifeless than the QFC employees, so it can't be that bad! :D

Anyway, I don't think you should feel guilty about feeling down, or being fortunate enough not to get sick. Those are just your feelings, it makes sense that when life doesn't go how you wanted that you'll be in the dumps.

Anyways, hope things look up for you soon!

@frenemymine3/30/2024, 9:56 PM

I really appreciate this, thank you! You summed it up very well, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with a similar situation professionally. I don’t think it’s just us either, a lot of people who used to have decent jobs are having to downgrade now with all of these layoffs across different industries.

I think that once I get over the disappointment of backsliding I’ll be happy enough, just have to adjust my expectations. If nothing else it’s going to be a good opportunity to catch up with family and replenish my savings for whatever I do next. And it’ll be a little bit of an adventure doing something completely new, I am sure I’ll learn some valuable things and get a new perspective!

Krake @Krake3/30/2024, 10:03 PM

It's whatever, as long as I don't lose my will I'll bounce back sooner or later. :p

I'm glad you're thinking positively, I bet things will turn around before you know it!

@maleviolent3/30/2024, 9:54 PM

I'm ~30 and working an entry-level job that people generally have no respect for because the economy is just. So bad. And it's never going to improve. I do hope the market and field your expertise is in comes back but it makes me super angry that we as millennials were given the idea that we Could Do Anything but everything exploded. And angrier to think about anyone younger than us have even less of an opportunity to get higher education (and be able to pay it off), higher-end jobs, and actual House-ing, with a House. Anyway, I definitely get it's humiliating, but you're certainly not alone. There's so many people your & my age in this situation. I hope it helps to remember you're not the only one?

I would strongly hope you don't throw out your yaoi or any other hobby interest stuff because your room is yours and no one should be snooping around in there and you're an adult. I would also hope that the feeling of shame about being an anime fan doesn't exist because it's like, the exact same as being a (western) comics fan, but I also totally get that some people/families just... have certain opinions about things. But I do really want/wish for you to live your best hobbyist life while living with family. I guess you could talk to them about it if you're really that worried? I've donated/sold manga before and usually always regretted it so I'm... maybe overreaching in like... Concerns, but I worry if you'll regret it.

Ideally people are just always excited that someone else has something they love to do (especially if it's Making Stuff!!! making clothes for BJDs sounds AWESOME imo and I think most people could probably see the craft and care it takes to make Tiny Clothes) but I do also get it that some people can't see past Weird Nerd Hobby. :(

Wishing the best for you, friend. 💜

@frenemymine3/30/2024, 10:12 PM

You totally get it, thanks so much for saying this. I really share this frustration about what’s happening to the economy. It feels like we’re being gaslit about how good it is because they keep talking about how many jobs we’re adding, but the jobs being added are at, like, Chipotle and Target and meanwhile all of the middle-class jobs that could give us a fighting chance at a dignified life are evaporating. And you’re right that it’s absolutely gonna be even uglier for the people coming into the workforce after us, we were the first generation to get a taste of it but they are gonna experience the worst of the new order.

I genuinely appreciate your perspective on the big garbage bag and the contents thereof. I’m going to think hard about it and see if I can’t find a temporary home for it with a friend or maybe box this stuff in the garage to be taken out again when circumstances permit haha. I honestly think it’s more of a me problem, I am pretty sure my folks have made their peace with my being a little quirked up and I just have to get over feeling self-conscious and do my own thing.

Thanks again for taking the time to write this, it means a lot and I promise I don’t make a habit of posting this way lol. Just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere as I’ve been thinking about this too much lately without being able to really bounce it off anyone.

@maleviolent3/30/2024, 10:32 PM

It's really okay to be upset. You don't have to feel bad about that either (re: " I promise I don’t make a habit of posting this way".) Like, this is a big life change that's going to be stressful just because it's a move and a change even if it didn't come with the emotional side of things and trying to decide what to do with your hobby stuff. <3

And yeah, really the only field that's definitely stable and will continue to be is the medical field because late-stage capitalism ~~(coughsfascismcoughs)~~ = trauma so more and more people are going to be disabled in some way because everything is not fine at all! :D /fake, sarcastic cheeriness (inside I am crying)

Keeping your yaoi manga with a friend or in the garage sounds like a good plan/compromise to me! :) Obviously I don't know the exact relationship you have with your folks or the kind of people they are, but if it's socially acceptable for older women to have raunchy bodice-ripper novels laying about then there's no reason you can't have your yaoi manga imo. That's the way I look at it!

Happy to provide some feedback and generate some more thoughts. Relieved a bit it didn't come off the wrong way but I think I'm just still concerned about how people receive things because of years and years of TwitterTumblr bad faith riffs. Also probably generally autism-anxiety about tone delivery fail, lol. Anyway! I also hope you get to connect with cool social groups/clubs in the area and maybe make new friends. :)

@frenemymine3/30/2024, 10:57 PM

Thank you for saying that, it’s very kind of you. And regarding your own concerns, I am very, VERY hard to offend and have little patience for the bad-faith-reading social media routine so no need to ever worry about speaking freely, trust me!

Funny you should mention that, I’ve been hearing medical is the place to be as well for those same (scary) reasons. Maybe this is a good opportunity for me to finally get an associate’s degree and become an x-ray tech or something? Could work part-time and go to the community college since I don’t have to worry about rent for a while, that might even be kind of fun!