frogge

This is a very exact description of the problem I have too, sans the specific scenarios of course. I've gone through life with other people telling me I'm just lazy or maybe I don't actually care about the things I keep procrastinating, but the problem is it's EVERYTHING. I don't attempt to start projects anymore if it's not something I can finish in one or two sittings because I WILL barely start some notes and then oops it's no longer consuming space inside my head anymore so I've entirely forgotten about it.

it's a really nice way to be a brain in some ways, less cruft, but it's a terrible way to be a person yeah

part of what I'm so stubborn about certain aspects of my routine is that I know if I skip something once, it'll all fall apart

(the other part is, of course, the 'tism)

It really is like trying to play a game with no memory card. One power outage or pulled cord and it's like you're starting from the beginning.

I'm guilty of the 'not being able to brush every day' too 😅When I was in school, I just completely stopped taking care of myself because of depression, and now that I realize how completely screwed up that was, and am trying to reverse it, it's like I can't stay on the habit for long. It becomes mentally painful to continue.

I've watched an ADHD video that described motivation as like a full bridge at first, but over time as you continue with the thing you lose more and more planks. Until eventually, you're stuck in the middle of the bridge. That definitely applies to me where motivation's concerned.

I have this trouble as well.

A few things that have helped me, and I hope helps others:

-External Cooperation: If available, getting someone to do or structure systems with you can be a life saver. A gym partner, someone to brush your teeth directly after every morning, someone to send mirror selfies to to prove you brushed your hair, whatever.

-Internal cooperation: More of a mindset. A lot of times I find myself struggling with the above issues of respect for a system/seeing the system as authoritative. It's become a lot easier when I treat systems primarily as things to iterate on, like tools I'm crafting. If I'm making an oath to myself (do things off the postits), I need to find the places in which there are reasonable exceptions and allow for them in the text; no text contract is going to be perfect. "I'll do things off the post-its except for in dire or emergent need, and I'll record on the post-its my justification and review it." Is one such iteration. The text will be longer but its not like anyone but you needs to read it. "For two weeks, after which I'll stop for three days and review." is another such iteration! etc. When systems fail (and they do!) I normally get relatively caught up and excited on what I could have done better and what I can do next time.

-Contract Knowledge: Touched on above, but my goal when making an oath to myself is that the oath should be Achievable, Binding, and Changeable. Achievable means they should be able to be completed and then you win. You get a reward maybe, but it ends regardless. You want this to happen. Binding means that, once you're in it, you ONLY get the exceptions to it you set up originally (except three days this month of my choosing, not when sick, not when guests are over, etc~) and if you mess that up you've LOST. You gotta record how you lost and then suffer it out and move to iteration phase, or scuttle and iterate immediately. Changeable means that the entire thing should be modular. You want bits and pieces you can move around and alter, levers that you can easily change. I find:
"I'll (do action) for (x time limit) every (triggering event) so long as (contextualizing information), unless (escape clause one). Additionally (overarching escape clause, exclusion days, what-to-do-if-you-fail)." makes a really good starting contract to work with. Just fill it in however.

Hope that helps someone :3