• she/her

Principal engineer at Mercury. I've authored the Dhall configuration language, the Haskell for all blog, and countless packages and keynote presentations.

I'm a midwife to the hidden beauty in everything.

💖 @wiredaemon


discord
Gabriella439
discord server
discord.gg/XS5ZDZ8nnp
location
bay area
private page
cohost.org/newmoon

fullmoon
@fullmoon

I've been processing a lot of emotions recently and one of the most surprising things I've learned about myself is that my behavior very much resembles a dog's behavior. This keeps popping up in weird corners of my personality that I couldn't explain before and it took me a while to see the pattern.


fullmoon
@fullmoon

For me the first mental domino that fell was when I realized: "I need a master". That thought alone explained so much about the way that I unconsciously approached friendships, romance, and my job.


fullmoon
@fullmoon

Another revelation for me was that this explained one aspect of my personality that had puzzled me for a while: how my personality would turn on a dime between pleasing and aggressive. Thinking like a dog gave me a clearer glimpse of what was happening inside me emotionally: I just want to be a good girl 🥺 but I get extremely aggressive against anything that threatens my master.


fullmoon
@fullmoon

I also stim like hell, especially when I focus or get excited, and one hypothesis of mine is that my stimming is analogous to a dog wagging its tail


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in reply to @fullmoon's post:

It's honestly making me a bit insane just how much this mirrors my exact thought patterns approximately 3 to 4 years ago, although perhaps a bit better expressed.

I think people are understandably prone to parsing "I'm a dog girl" as a kink thing (not that it doesn't personally intersect with my sexuality in some ways, but it certainly doesn't exclusively do so) when for me it was very much that I believe being trans also opened me up to interrogating my behaviors and personality in a variety of ways that aren't just gender.

I ended up sitting down one day and going "Is ‘dog girl’ really a useful lense for understanding myself?" and walked away believing the answer could only be "yes."

Yeah, once I started being more open and honest with myself (as part of transitioning), I started noticing all sorts of other things about myself that I had previously rationalized away because up until then I identified as "normal".

Just like with my transition, it's all sorts of big and little things that add up and once I started thinking of myself through that lens a whole bunch of stuff started making a lot of sense (both in retrospect and in terms of better understanding what would make me happy going forward).

in reply to @fullmoon's post:

Yeah, I've also experienced age regression, too (thus: "acts cringe, especially for her age")

Even people who meet me in person consistently express surprise when they find out my real age