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- she/her
Principal engineer at Mercury. I've authored the Dhall configuration language, the Haskell for all blog, and countless packages and keynote presentations.
I'm a midwife to the hidden beauty in everything.
💖 @wiredaemon
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in reply to @ninecoffees's post:
jesus christ.
I'll never understand how these dynamics form, but I'm terrified that I'm not immune
One of the biggest things to note--and something I repeated to David--was that he had isolated her. She did not have anyone to speak to about the issues in her relationship. I think it's incredibly healthy to gossip about your own problems and yes, even sex life, with others. If you don't have anyone else to discuss potential red flags, how would you know?
It's something Ha-yoon herself didn't realize. She never knew that other girls talked about their own relationships. She thought that would just be "complaining" and "being ungrateful." Once I told her that having a "girl gang" to talk shit with was completely natural, she broke down into tears.
So yes, I told David very clearly that he was the reason she never spoke directly to his face about issues (other than the fear, of course). How could she have articulated any of this without external help from friends? Of course this culminated in an explosive argument. Of course they stagnated and never grew as people over these past six years. If he felt "blindsided", then it was natural. His pure belief that they were perfect meant he never discussed any of his own problems with anyone else either.
His ego wouldn't have been able to handle it anyway.
Poor girl. I'm glad she's out from under his influence. I hope she gets better.
I will consider myself lucky that I have plenty of friends to bitch to 💜
Wellington still good though! 💜 Don't let that man's words get you down!
🤫 She doesn't know I've been applying for jobs in Melbourne
this is really well written! theres a lot of care and senisitvity visible in the approach to lanuage w this, i hope things only get better for the woman involved ❤️
Reading this turned out to be a great use of 30 minutes, well done.
I've been on the periphery of relationships like this where I hadn't known either one of them well enough to tell what's going on until I hear about it way later, and I wonder sometimes if I might also be overlooking red flags in the relationships of people I am closer to. I hope I never have to find out that one of my friends is an abuser, and I hope none of my friends ever have to go through picking up the pieces of their life after spending years of it with an abuser.
i was immediately sucked in and could not look away, it made me reflect on my own lived experiences, but something about the way it was written it did not cross the line into as triggering as i have seen many similar accounts
terrifying but well written
I'm really bad at spoting abusive behaviours when I'm the victim. So far I've been in 2 abusive relationships (nothing even close to the one you wrote about, though. I'm fine!!) that I only got out of because other people pointed it to me. I'm glad you pointed how important it is to just talk with friends about your relationships!!!
Oh god, I recognize the David behaviors. You’re right when you point out that they’re not unique; I’ve been on Ha-yoon’s end of a few. They’re terrifying and the worst is when they don’t tip their hand until it’s too late and you’re entangled.
Thank you for writing all of this out and sharing it. Seeing that it’s not just me is strangely comforting, and i hope that it gives others the tools to confront Davids in their social group.
'He knocked over a vase by accident then yelled at her for “moving it in the first place”.'
what to do when this exact thing happened to a friend of mine a couple weeks ago. 😶
appreciate that. was more of a rhetorical question. it's not really that straightforward lol
i recognize some of this from my relationship with my ex (she also played League of Legends)
but yeah the
you couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not. He’d tell you that he was a bully and an asshole…he was always bragging about it. But who would say that? He’d say all these things as if to see how much he could get away with it…and if you ever called him out on it, he’d say ‘I told you. I told you I was a bully and an asshole!’
hits
wowow i could not look away from this post !! and i have a really short attention span!