In tonight's portion, we continue with Numbers and have a fucking time of it. We open with a discussion of the further duties of the Levites, as well as their being made an elevation offering to G-d. Fun fact: G-d had the men shave themselves smooth first, which really makes it feel like a sex thing1. Next we discuss whether you can offer the paschal offering while unclean, to which Moses tells the people asking him to hold on a sec while he dials up G-d. Afterwards, a discussion of the logistics of signaling armies and camps of people via trumpet, as well as some of the precedents for how shofars are used during festivals in the modern era.
And then we get to the manna.
As you may recall, we know that manna 1) is deposited on the ground like the morning dew, or frost, 2) has a similar shape to a coriander seed, and 3) tastes decent. For unclear reasons, a number of the sages are quite insistent that the manna was not actually worked by the people (such as being ground or pounded or baked into cakes) but was rather capable of assuming any flavor 2. There's a comparison to cream that G-d makes, and then we learn that the sages didn't have any notable lactation fetishes
The text indicates people were unhappy with manna day in and day out and wanted meat; the sages were of the opinion that a number of them were stirring shit and looking for excuses. This leads to G-d and Moses getting very fed up and this incredible exchange:
At this point the people are beset by a plague of quails flying at chest height, and a number of them are stricken dead by some kind of food poisoning and/or divine quail-mediated wrath.
A lot going on there.
Anyways, next there's a discussion of Moses divorcing Zipporah in which Miriam calls him out for not fucking his wife, G-d calls out Aaron and Miriam while they're fucking their partners, and strikes Miriam with leprosy for seven days, during which the Israelite camps refuse to move from their position. In sum, we're pretty sure G-d and Moses are married now?
Eventful parsha, to say the least.
Some further commentaries and notes:
- we've identified moses as a terezi, the christian paul as a vriska, and otherwise have begun situating the midrash homestuck
- brief discussions of miriam/zipporah yuri
- due to the leprosy afflicted on miriam being described as "white and scaly", we being who we are were forced to immediately imagine a dragon/snakegirl miriam
- miriam really did call out moses for not fucking his wife, unlike her and aaron who fucked their spouses all the time, huh. it's like the world's worst sitcom misunderstanding where you don't realize your bro is fucking the Omnipresent and so he has to tell them to cut out the leprosy shit.
-
oh? the levites shall be yours, hashem? all the smoothest men in israel?
-
save melon, cucumber, garlic, onion, or leek