The more i think about it the more i realize that "oh our community is great because we're all so similar :) [and so conflict just inherently won't happen]" is a huge red flag for me. Like it actively encourages people to behave themselves as if everyone around them inherently holds the same viewpoints as they do, and assume that's the reason everyone gets along.
Which like, there are places for this. Though those places tend to be when you are around a very very small select number of people who you've known for a very long time and have reasonable confidence that you agree on certain subjects. In that case yes, it's very nice to just be able to skip over certain establishing ideas and talk more freely about something.
But when it comes to larger communities (whether that be a dozen people or thousands), especially communities you are inviting strangers to, that homogeny simply will not exist. There will be people you find very lovely that have shockingly disparate viewpoints on things you would not expected them to have.
And, in most cases (though not all), this is great! This is how we learn and become better and more caring people! By encountering people different from us and learning to understand them, even if we may not necessarily adopt their views.
Whereas if you start a community under the assumption (whether you're aware of it or not), that everyone will get along just fine because we all agree on everything, then you're immediately making conflict (which will always always happen) into a much bigger thing than it needs to be.
If everyone starts out with a feeling of "oh it's great we all agree here!" And everyone speaks with the assumption that we all agree, then suddenly in nearly every conversation there's at least one person who feels alienated, because, oh, all of these people are speaking as if this thing is just true, but i disagree with it, so now i feel awkward, and maybe I'm wrong and don't belong here...
Or, they don't want to stir things up so they keep silent and the resentment builds at not feeling seen and suffering under the assumption that they are something they're not.
And either way, it sends the message that-- if you disagree, if you have any kind of problem with anyone here, no matter how small, you don't belong here. And those kinds of communities will always eventually fester.
Whereas if you start off and do your best to behave knowing that people are different and will disagree on things, it is easier (though not always easy) for people to state their feelings and different opinions without all of that built up resentment, and contribute to the group and share themselves with everyone, and you end up with a much more vibrant community where people can have conflicts with each other without tearing everything apart.
(A few ideas about why communities like this are so common on the Internet, besides self-replicating norms, is that emotional trauma [which is just fucking rampent in our society] can stunt emotional maturity, and emotional immaturity can cause you to feel threatened by people who don't agree with you on 100% of everything. I know this, I've been there, I still go there sometimes. So it makes perfect sense, in that mindset, to assume that the people you're around are 100% like you, because you don't feel threatened by them so of course you always agree! But then of course, inevitably, disagreements happen, and even the smallest of them can end up spiraling out of control....)
