Art Machine, trying to be a person


okay google what is the gender term for "born with a dude's body and happy being a dude, but also not really that attached to being a dude and wouldn't really mind if a witch kissed me and cursed me to spend a week in a differently-presenting body or whatever"?

like, I look in the mirror and I like what I see. I look pretty good and I feel pretty good about my body (sicknesses aside)! Half the time when I present myself online it's either through an explicitly female form or through feminizing my male form, and neither option necessarily feels like a better fit than the other.

A wise lady once said I've probably got some manner of mild genderfluidity going on, and that kinda feels right? But I also haven't been able to really examine that part of me much to get an answer. Any time I start to think about gender stuff I kinda just go "yeah okay I guess" and move on to other things. Basically I got nothin' figured out but I'm also okay with that? If that's possible? Shrug!


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in reply to @goattrain's post:

this but whenever I'm online or making characters it's either as "girl but honestly this character is a girl I'd like to meet rather than a girl I'd like to be" and most of my online presentation is as some sort of gender-ambiguous gremlin who mostly goes by "him" but only really 'cause that feels like a default in the same way that you'd use "him" to refer to a cat in the garden and didn't want to refer to as "it" because it's a living creature and not an object

This doesn't seem dissimilar to the thing I have had going on for a little while! That is to summarize, I feel a sort of gender ambivalence as a 'neutral pole' and peak at different points which may or may not fall on the binary parts of the gender spectrum.

I ended up expressing that in Siva and Sabado, both of whom turned out to be my gender idealizations! Maybe Al and Steph have a similar dynamic for you?