π In Football news: Indianapolis Colts to receive a shipment of 3,000 players in anticipation for the upcoming league. This puts them at a headcount of over 13,500, rivaling the Steelers' 15,620 (the highest in the league).
βΎ Baseball: Shortstop Steven Spielberg (no relation) has now been missing for three consecutive weeks. He's close to setting a new world record for "Longest game of hide-and-seek played by an athlete," a title currently held by legendary Bowling champion Jack Black (also no relation).
π Hockey: Branksten Quacks have beaten the Shaqville Pool Noodles 5-3 in a match lasting over 30 seconds! Team Captain Merkelle Scorbert had nothing to say of his team's victory.
π° And finally, SludgeBall: The Sun has agreed to sign onto Boston's Cranglers, presumably securing the highest ranking on the "Highest Collective Team Body Mass" leaderboard. (In second: the Boston Scranglers, before the merger.)
That's it for this week, folks! Make sure to stay up to date by visiting our website, following us on cohost, and of course, screaming near (but not at!) the top of your lungs.
