bueller guy

and no one bothered to tell them to stop doing that, so now we're stuck with every single professional conversation being overly familiar because no one thinks about the meaning of the words they were told to use.

Very Truly Yours,
-- Nire Bryce

Am I supposed to use hi? Hello? those sound too casual sometimes! they didn’t prepare me for anything they just gave me a word and my elementary school diploma. The American education system smh

I have recently become aware that a vernacular change is being observed as generations wear on. I would like to encourage everyone to keep an open mind and stay connected to society lest we repeat the mistakes of past generations. We all swore we wouldn't be our parents and this is a great time/place to avoid doing so.

Hope you liked that shit.

Pogfully, Big Snake.

No one ever told me different, no one bothered to explain anything of substance. So now every professional email is a love letter, a love that can never be, forbidden love. I just hope one day the government agency person i emailed last week will notice me uwu.

Yours, always -- Nox

I've forgotten how to write professionally since I never do it.

So I'll just say howdy as the greeting I guess.

i just write in the tone of a two column paper, it works okay

Please use "To whom it may concern" instead.

"Dear Sir or Madam" has been deprecated

• we're sorry, it slipped through.

"Greetings" and/or "Salutations" rebalanced

• 30% reduction of effectiveness against formal and professional
• 50% increased effectiveness against acquaintances, friends, and bureaucrats (this effect DOES NOT stack if both are used)

"Hey" changes

• we've tuned "hey" to be less punishing in professional contexts
• 20% increase in credulousness across the board

New Salutations

• We're releasing the "To Whom it May Concern" salutation liz talked about earlier, next Tuesday
• We think you'll like it and are excited to hear your feedback
• it's on the test server as of these patch notes being posted

I hope this letter finds you unwell. Like absolute dogshit health. I am writing to inform you of nothing in particular for the express purpose of dealing confusion damage.

Have a juicy day,

Lapis

[WARNING: This message came from outside of your organization. Be careful when interacting with this chost. Like, really careful.]

Forget the headline, why don't we just get straight to the point?

Very Respectfully,
Tenna

ftr i don't think i've ever started an email with anything other than "hi," or the text intended to be read

and go fuck yourself if you want capital letters anywhere they don't Mean Something