one thing im just now learning after decades of never quite managing my mental health properly is that i require constant maintenance
i tend to function pretty well when my heads on straight but if i let myself slip with the basics of mental hygiene (writing, meditation, exercise, creative output) for a week or so i can be down there, just sleepwalking through my life for WEEKS without finding a way back up
and it never gets bleak, its not a depression like i used to feel it, its just this endless treadmill of not using my brain in any meaningful way and being 50% checked out of everything around me
and the only way to prevent it, as far as i can tell, is constant viligance and upkeep of the things that keep it at bay
i think internalising that will help a lot in the future but i also find it very... concerning? daunting? that i need to try so hard to keep my brain in my head