cala(mari)

like it would tell you to varnish the cache server and stuff. anyone remember? that sure was a doozy huh?

anyways,,,

Your phone beeps in the night. A new notification, highest priority:

CRITICAL WARNING: Cache Server Varnish Levels low! Varnish Cache Server!

Startled, you immediately make your way to the Server Hall. You must Varnish the Cache Server before it is too late.

Click to begin.

You see the Cache Server. Its Varnish Levels are critically low.

You see a Dark Corridor.

You see a Corridor containing a Foreign Object.

You move the Foreign Object aside.

You see a Corridor.

You see the Bottom of the Stairwell.

You reach the Top of the Stairwell.

You see a door leading to the Catacombs and a door leading to the Varnish Storage.

>

enter the catacombs

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You enter the Catacombs. You immediately get lost within its dark hallways and corridors. By the time you manage find your way back to the Server Facility, the Cache Server has already failed catastrophically due to low Varnish Levels.

FIRST BYTE TIMEOUT
You have failed to Varnish the Cache Server.

Click 'read more' below to restart.

You see the Varnish Storage Shelf.

You collect a Varnish Bucket.

You return to the Server Hall. You see the Cache Server.

You select the Varnish Bucket.

>

pour varnish over server

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You pour the contents of the Varnish Bucket onto the Cache Server. The server fails immediately and catastrophically due to severe overvarnishing. Standard Operating Procedures require that Varnishing Operations are only to be carried out using an approved Varnishing Brush.

FIRST BYTE TIMEOUT
You have failed to Varnish the Cache Server.

Click 'read more' below to restart.

You see a Brush Cabinet.

You open the Brush Drawer. You see several Brushes.

You take a Paint Brush from the Brush Drawer.

You reach the Top of the Stairwell.

You see a door leading to the Catacombs and a door leading to the Varnish Storage.

>

enter the catacombs

| 

You enter the Catacombs. You immediately get lost within its dark hallways and corridors. By the time you manage find your way back to the Server Facility, the Cache Server has already failed catastrophically due to low Varnish Levels.

FIRST BYTE TIMEOUT
You have failed to Varnish the Cache Server.

Click 'read more' below to restart.

You see the Varnish Storage Shelf.

You collect a Varnish Bucket.

You return to the Server Hall. You see the Cache Server.

You select the Paint Brush.

You coat the Paint Brush with Varnish.

>

use paint brush on server

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You apply a layer of Varnish to the Cache Server using the Varnish-coated Paint Brush. Due to the Paint Brush not conforming to the standards outlined in Varnishing Implement Specifications, Section 2.3 (b) (2) (Annexe A), the resulting layer of Varnish is not sufficient for resolving the low Varnish Levels of the Cache Server. The Cache Server fails catastrophically despite your efforts.

FIRST BYTE TIMEOUT
You have failed to Varnish the Cache Server.

Click 'read more' below to restart.

You take a Varnish Brush from the Brush Drawer.

You reach the Top of the Stairwell.

You see a door leading to the Catacombs and a door leading to the Varnish Storage.

>

enter the catacombs

| 

You enter the Catacombs. You immediately get lost within its dark hallways and corridors. By the time you manage find your way back to the Server Facility, the Cache Server has already failed catastrophically due to low Varnish Levels.

FIRST BYTE TIMEOUT
You have failed to Varnish the Cache Server.

Click 'read more' below to restart.

You see the Varnish Storage Shelf.

You collect a Varnish Bucket.

You return to the Server Hall. You see the Cache Server.

You select the Varnish Brush.

You coat the Varnish Brush with Varnish.

>

use varnish brush on server

| 

You expertly apply a layer of Varnish to the Cache Server using the Varnish-coated Varnish Brush. A notification appears on your phone:

RESOLVED: Cache Server Varnish Levels Nominal.

You have Varnished the Cache Server.

Thank you for playing Cache Server Varnishing Game!
Programming and photography by @rykarn.

>

enter corridor

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You walk down the corridor, but due to your failure to remove the Foreign Object from your path, you still end up tripping over it. You are knocked unconscious.

FIRST BYTE TIMEOUT
You have failed to Varnish the Cache Server.

Click 'read more' below to restart.

>

enter the dark corridor

| 

You enter the Dark Corridor. Because of the insufficient light, you fail to notice a Foreign Object located in the middle of the floor. You trip and are knocked unconscious.

FIRST BYTE TIMEOUT
You have failed to Varnish the Cache Server.

Click 'read more' below to restart.

A crude point and click game where you take on the role of a server janitor who is paged to resolve FIRST BYTE TIMEOUT errors by varnishing the cache server.
By clicking on specific parts of the images, you move to new locations. The images are low resolution and severely dithered.
The main puzzle is figuring out how to find a source of varnish, but also along the way you need to find a hidden location where you can pick up a brush with which you can apply varnish to the cache server at the end of the game.

NOTE: clicking 'read more' no longer resets the game. Please refresh the page to restart the game instead.

This one was fun to make and it is nice to do an ambitious css crime once again. I don't recall spending that much time figuring out what I wanted to make - there just was this period a few weeks ago where the First Byte Timeouts were happening and I decided to make some sort of css crime about it and quickly decided that it would be a point and click game where you carried out the instruction as given to you by that error message: Varnish Cache Server.

Longish post beneath the fold, only relevant for people with a specific strain of brain worms: