It sorta sucks that I consider my output to be my indie projects, and due to the fact that this current one has taken forever to do, it feels like I've faded in terms of reputation and growth. Worse yet the game I'm making right now really isn't a reflection of my current design skills and goals, rather, it's a collection of sometimes working scripts and I spend all evening chasing down UI bugs and grappling with code I wrote 6 years ago. I really feel this inability to move on until I finish this, and whenever that is seems to appear and disappear with every playtest.
Although I'm not sure who I'm supposed to be emulating. I think I'm still chasing that stupid "indie darling" label all these years later. I think all this is still an attempt to be taken seriously by this business. I think part of this just wants a bigger "game" out, by a reasonable standard, maybe so I can prove I can do it. I have made smaller games in the past that have gotten attention, but nothing near this complex. Maybe this is a legitimacy thing too. Maybe I don't want to think my prime has passed and I have more works in me.
I just keep thinking how it shouldn't be this hard, surely.
I'm so sick of working on this game