rose

i joined cohost around March 2024

i had made the switch after tumblr's most recent (at the time) escapade against trans people. at the time, i was burnt out on social media because of hateful discourse and the way the sites seemed to encourage vitriol, bitterness, and doomerism. i wanted out

but i also didn't.

i grew up and still lived in a very rural, conservative area. there was nothing to do there even for the most privileged, so what was a poor disabled queer supposed to do? i didn't have the money to frequently drive to neighboring towns (not even big cities, towns) to try and make friends irl. the internet was the only place i could visit frequently enough to make friends, especially queer and/or disabled ones

especially seeing as how i worked a slow-paced remote job at the time, i needed something to do while still being close enough to the computer to answer emails and phone calls.

for the above reasons, i made a cohost account.

when i got here, i was both shocked and delighted at the snail's pace at which my feeds crawled. there was nothing on my dashboard!! nothing!! i can't say it was a "learning curve" to have to find people to follow myself; i had gotten experience from other sites.

however, i was shocked by how impatient i had grown using mainstream social media. i was always checking for new posts, and there would be none! every five, ten, fifteen minutes, i would be checking. where was the action? the thousands of posts all competing for the same sets of eyes?? to expect a barrage of information only to be met with the occasional blip in the silence,,,, it stirred something in me.

for the first time in a long time, i found a social media i didn't feel the need to compulsively check and doomscroll on. the way cohost is designed discourages it! i got up, went outside. i drew more. i watched more shows and movies. i started having hobbies again!

and then, eventually, i thought to myself... why not post something?

surely, the site is so niche that no one will read it anyway. why not shout into the void? why not share the interests i've been cultivating? that's what everyone else seems to be doing anyway. if they're all so comfortable sharing their projects, posting artwork, sharing their opinions. commenting on stuff, etc, why shouldn't i?

and so i did! i started making posts. and to my surprise,,,, people began responding to them.

it terrified me

flashbacks of tumblr and twitter discourse ran rampant in my brain. i tried to scrub all my posts clean of anything that could be considered even remotely impolite, worded them very meticulously to make sure no one could misinterpret me, etc. every time i posted something, i was afraid i would be told i didn't know what i was talking about or worse, that i was harming someone else with my thoughts

but none of that happened.

instead, i was met with,,,, regular interactions. kind, thoughtful responses to my blog posts. compliments on my artwork. people asked me genuine, good-faith questions and i did my best to answer them. it all felt so,,, normal, for lack of a better term. my fears were unfounded

that's not to say that everyone had a good time on cohost. it had its fair share of issues and i don't mean to imply that it didn't. but for me,,, my experience was a neutral-to-good one. and after a lifetime of expecting (and getting) the worst from people? it was a welcome breath of fresh air.

i got advice when i asked for it. i got sympathies and kind words when i vented. people praised the art i put out and have given me tips on the things i'm learning. i got to read about other people's lives and extend the same sympathies, compliments, and advice to them. i got to share people's mutual aid and job-searching posts. i laughed at many of the jokes shared here, and cracked a few of my own. i got to share resources that have helped me. i got to see all kinds of nsfw and sfw artwork alike in a place that didn't prioritize or condemn either of them.

cohost was a community to me. one of the only few i had access to (even as i type this). i know cohost is ending, and that many of the connections i've made here will likely fade over time. but you know what won't fade? the lessons i learned here.

and i think the most important lesson i learned here is that there are places in the world where i can be myself and be respected for it. that i don't have to hide myself away all the time in order to earn a right to be here. that there are communities out there that i can find and/or build that will make space for people like me. that there are humans that are interested in taking care of each other, often for little-to-nothing in return.

i learned that people can be good. and that i can be good, just as myself. that i don't have to wait until i'm "good enough" to show myself to others. that what i am now has value, and always will. that forming connections with people is what will help me grow and become better over time, and that those connections bring a lot of value in and of themselves even if they don't last forever

cohost taught me to approach people (and the world) with more curiosity, confidence, and compassion. that i won't immediately get slapped down by everyone i try to approach. it's often quite the opposite: that many people welcome my approach and want to return the connection. that healthy communities are built by the people who continuously take the risk and attempt reaching out

it will always be a risk, but the results are worth it. i think we all saw what happened here when four people took the risk to create something good.

i think we should learn from what they did and attempt to build good things wherever we go, too. cohost might die in two days, but i want its legacy to live on in each of us through the good we're willing to do elsewhere for having been here

we all had the unique opportunity to see what our communities can be like when we approach and receive others in good-faith, and i say we take that and live by it

imagine how much better the world would be if something good happened not just here, but everywhere. we have the power to do that

so my only request as we all go our separate ways is this:

please be good to each other.