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HOOT_OS - V.30

Stryxnine Amity Pulsatrix
(30/πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦/Saskatchewan)
NACRS Organizer
esports broadcast producer
plural, autistic, adhd
disability & queer activist
hobbyist archival researcher
bylines in Traxion.gg
loves @kadybat and @traumagotchi and @kaceydotme

57RYX9 DESIGN - Visual FX and Graphic Design North American Cohost Racing Series organizer & founder
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RileyGreenFox
@RileyGreenFox

I have spent the last week deep in self-reflection. Some of you may have noticed my icon changes, and fursona related doodle posts recently, and I feel I'm ready to tell everyone what this is all about. Sorry, this will be long and rambling in parts.

For starters, this is something I take rather seriously, seriously enough to consider appending the theta-delta to my name, but that'll come later, for now, I'd like to show you this:

A yellow cartoon fox wearing jeans with a green jacket and mohawk hitting a dog wearing a fascist uniform with a bat

This fox is Riley.

Some of you who have been following my art may recognize this print design. This is the first ever drawing I ever did of them, and I did not intend on this being my fursona at the outset. This design came about from me just thinking of what someone who embodies the aspects of this community I care most about would look like. A colorful, unabashedly queer antithesis to the fascist elements in our fandom.

However, it became apparent I was pulling all of this from a VERY personal place, and they quickly became a fursona of mine, an ideal of expression I could personally aspire to and embody.

Up until then I had been using this purple possum design as my fursona:

A purple possum wearing a business suit, looking bored

For all intents and purposes, this was a down-to-earth, grounded representation of myself, which all too often translates into some self-deprecating aspects of my own person being directly projected into it. (Even the name "Aylor" is a phoneticism derived from my last name) I was frequently overworked, stressed, unhappy, and stuck in a job that would all but ensure I'd be living with my parents for a very long time.

A purple possum having had their pen cartoonishly blow up in their face, with Riley laughing in a circular cutaway

Riley was a breath of fresh air, a representation of the fire burning in my soul to be queer, be free, colorful and defiant of this fucked up earth. They were also pivotal in understanding my identity as non-binary, and for most of 2018 and some of 2019 I decided to try and represent myself as them, sort of. As it would turn out, the end of 2018 and all of 2019 would bring a lot of changes to my life; some good, many of them major, some of them traumatizing.

I would leave a shitty but stable job to go study in Canada, where I would spend a year and a half without being able to make beyond minimum part-time wages, leaving everything I'd ever known, I would get physically threatened by an unstable roommate, get paranoid enough about it to move from Ontario to BC for an unpaid position, would weather the pandemic alone, and would get assaulted by anxiety and panic attacks about everything going wrong (my immigration status, finances, taxes, art, etc.) for months.

Needless to say, I was pretty beat down during this time, and I slowly reverted to my possum fursona, as I felt I could not possibly measure up to even my own personal ideal. I wasn't a cool fox, I was a shy, anxious possum who just wanted to lie down and play dead. I slowly started avoiding even drawing them, or even using any of the art I got of them.

Fast forward to mid-2021, and things were looking up, my new job was stable, I fit in well, I started seeing friends more often, and I got a new place with a cat! Despite all this, I felt I wasn't really good enough for embodying Riley, so, as a bit of an April Fools joke, I made a compromise; a sergal fursona, the one you probably know of the most. One that would end up combining aspects of both my previous possum 'sona, and Riley:

A purple sergal in various expressions and poses

For a while, this worked, I was able to embody a more idealized version of myself while keeping it grounded! However, as is the nature of compromises, I couldn't help but feel something was lost, things felt off. I wasn't drawing much except as required by my patreon obligations, I wasn't getting as much art as I once did, never got around to getting a fursuit head, spandex suit, vrchat model, etc. It's like my heart was somehow not fully in it.

I feel I sacrificed something for the sake of...what exactly? A sense of authenticity? modesty? Feeling that having a fursona that's "too cool" for me would disappoint people that met me?

As I've come to curate my friend circles more and more, this past year I've seen so many of you discover your true selves, and celebrate your identities in such an unabashed, free, and wonderfully queer way. It has been inspiring to see, and I slowly came to realize...

Holy FUCKING shit who cares. I can just be me!!!
Riley shrugging and grinning
(Art by msricket)

I am Riley, and Riley is me. In every way that matters except physical, I am this cartoon fox. (And yes, I'm reasonably sure this makes me a therian, huh?)

I'm tired of compromises, and I'm tired of holding myself back. my physical self may not resemble this cool-ass fox, but I've quickly learned that doesn't fucking matter in the slightest. My soul is what matters and I don't need anyone's permission, least of all my own insecurities' to be who I want to be for however long I got left in this bitch of an earth.

Cool! But what does it all mean?

OKAY That was long, and has been days in the making, what now?

It will take me some time to get all my online places up to speed with this change, and, at least in art galleries and URLs, I will keep the AylorSot name for the sake of discoverability, at least for now. However, I have one important thing to ask of you, and I realize, like all name changes, mishaps are bound to happen and that's fine, don't worry about it. But from now on, I will ask you, to the best of your ability, to refer to me as Riley. (they/them) as we are no longer separate.

My sergal and possum aren't going away, like the rest of my characters, they have something of me in them, and I'll draw them again, but as of right now, they are semi-separate entities, they are Aylor, and Aylor no longer embodies what I am, and in a way, they never really did.

It's good to be here, and it's good to be me.
Riley bringing their paws to their face, contented
(art by OrigamiDude)


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in reply to @RileyGreenFox's post:

Sorry to double-ping about this but! This is super cool and I'm happy that things are settling down in a good way <: And! I'm glad that you're feeling empowered and positive about an identity! Well met, Riley! :M