When I got denied disability support, one of the key questions i hyperfixated on was "Do you struggle with tasks like putting on clothes and tying your shoes?" and i hyperfixated on it so much because my interpretation was that it was asking if i was physically and mentally capable of putting on clothes and tying my shoes at all. it made me think that the only people allowed to receive disability support are people who couldn't tie their shoes, period.
i just had a realization. i can't tie my shoes.
if you tested me - set shoes in front of me and asked me to tie them - i could demonstrate that I remember the steps to tie a shoe, and that i am physically capable of following those steps.
however, if you asked me to tie my shoelaces every time i put shoes on then untie them when i take them off? no, i can't. i tie my shoelaces once or twice when i get new shoes until they're tied in a manner i can slip my foot in and out without tying them, and then never again. and it's not just because it's more convenient, because tying my shoelaces that way means the shoe doesn't fit the way it should. the shoe is always loose at the heel, and if i don't wear socks i'll get blisters on my heel from the shoe rubbing against my skin. sometimes i even get blisters if i do wear socks, if i've been walking for long enough.
the first time i was asked if i struggled with tying my shoes, i said no. i was denied, and i appealed. i was told that, during the appeal, i would be asked the same questions with different wording. they didn't. they just asked the same questions. same wording.
so, now i have to apply again. start the whole process over again, because they were so vague about what a "struggle" meant in terms of tying a shoe that it leaves people like me - who are physically and mentally capable of tying a shoe, but never on any remotely regular basis - thinking they're asking if i'm crippled or developmentally challenged, rather than asking how my disabilities affect my life.
i purposely choose to wear skateboarding shoes because they have short laces. i don't wear boots because i'd be forced to meticulously untie, loosen, then tighten and lace up my boots. my feet are too big to slip them into a laced-up boot. i want to wear boots, but i don't.
my disabilities are affecting my choices in what apparel i fucking wear. down to the god damned shoes.



