Ultimately, the literal best solution for these issues is for the world to treat disabled people with more fucking respect. I shouldn't be the one making compromises on how I live my life just to maintain some level of functionality in the system as it operates today. I'm already disabled, but I'm being forced to focus more of the energy I don't have on trying to function as if I'm not fucking disabled.
Beyond the feeling of infantilization I get from just thinking about writing in an agenda, there is a potent feeling I've finally figured out how to put into words; I should not have to make adjustments to fit within this system. I should not have to warp who I am or how I feel just to maintain functionality in a system that only allows people to function in a manner that is too harmfully specific.
I am a square peg, and these rigid systems we live in are a triangular hole. I can fit in the square hole or the circular hole, but I'm not going to fucking fit in the triangular hole. I am expected to shave myself down until I fit in the triangular hole, even though every peg ends up in the fucking bucket if I go through the other two holes. I'm just not allowed to go through the circular or square holes because some chucklefuck from centuries ago said only the triangular hole is valid entry into the bucket, and nobody with enough power has come around to let people use the other fucking holes. You better be born a triangle; if you're a sphere or a square, you should either disfigure yourself trying to get into the bucket or just fucking die.
I don't want to disfigure myself. I don't want to re-mold my soul like it's fucking playdoh. Neurotypical, able-bodied people don't have to do this. They can live their entire lives being who they are, without making a single compromise to the system they live in. I'm sick, but I'm expected to crush my soul and feel it spill through the gaps in my fist, coating my hands in the surfactant residue, just so I can fit through this stupid fucking hole some fuckhead built. The asshole who built the hole has long since been dead, but everybody fucking worships this stupid hole without question, and if I don't fit through that fucking hole I'm expected to accept death. No one questions it, no one suggests alternatives to worshipping a fucking hole, they just jump in the fucking hole and get these stupid puzzled looks on their faces when I can't fit in the fucking hole.
Fuck your stupid holes. I would rather sit atop the hole and die, having maintained my shape, than fuck myself up fitting into your stupid holes.