June 8, 2023
SPIDER
BATH SURROUND
MY HOUSE
CANADA
Dear Spider:
RE: PLACE OF RESIDENCE, MY FILE NO. BATHROOM
If I must assume the role of landlord, I hope I am a benevolent and considerate one. However, I would politely suggest the corner of my tub surround, near the showerhead, is not a suitable location for your home. I admit to being unsure as to the relative size of things; in suggesting you move elsewhere, is it akin to telling a person (human) to move to another part of the city? Or is it the equivalent of telling you to move to another city or, perhaps, another province? I confess to being ignorant on these matters. I do not think it unreasonable to suggest you relocate to another part of the bathroom. Perhaps a wall that is not part of the bath itself? Please consider the merits of my proposal.
I look forward to seeing you not in my bathtub.
Yours truly,
Ingrid
June 9
SPIDER
TUB SURROUND
MY HOUSE
CANADA
Dear Spider:
RE: PLACE OF RESIDENCE, MY FILE NO. BATHROOM
Upon review, I see I directed my previous correspondence (a copy of which is enclosed) to a non-existent address. While I believe it should have been delivered as the intended address should be easy to determine, I understand the Mail is often over taxed and is not staffed by detectives.
I note that since my last notice to you, a home which I presume to be yours has been constructed in the corner of my tub surround. As it was not present 24 hours ago, do not think it can be grandfathered into our non-existent tenant-landlord relationship. Its location is such that I noted it being significantly buffeted by the air forcefully displaced by the powerful water pressure from my showerhead. I strongly recommend, once again, your relocation. I will not assume responsibility for any damage done to your poorly planned construction.
Yours truly,
Ingrid