i was on a weird, self-made but admittedly effective calisthenics program before this for about a month and a half. i was anxious, sad, and lethargic all the time (turns out this is a distinct and separate situation from feeling tired!), it was hard to motivate myself or move my body.
i had a lot of desire, a lot of drive and a lot of ideas but there was something stopping me. it wasn't a lack of motivation per se, there's lots of stuff i want to do, but what was stopping me? activation energy, determination, perseverance? something like that. you know, whatever it is that depression takes away from you that keeps you from leading your best life.
and then it hit me, i could physically train my body, which in turn will elevate my general daily capacities, which in turn will let me get things done. it will also boost my energy levels, mood, and willingness to do things i don't want to do, let alone things i do want to do. and it will provide a perfectly safe environment for me to work on my metaphorical determination and perseverance muscles.
i've always been pretty bad at the whole determination and perseverance thing so it's nice to get it going in earnest. i'm just mildly embarrassed that i never really noticed or realized that i could train those aspects of myself, or maybe more to the point, what that would look like. turns out you need a program to try to stick to and then you need to make room for yourself to be able to stick to it and then you take it day by day. if you miss a day, that's okay. just be careful not to judge yourself too harshly because of it.
to paraphrase karate legend Mas Oyama, the only way anything gets done is a little bit each day, with determination. it's my intention to become determined enough to achieve whatever i set my mind to, and it starts with having a healthy and fit body, because that's where my mind lives.
i have a lot more to say about this and fitness in general but it's kind of outside the scope of this sort of half-diary half-fitness-inspo post. if you've gotten this far, thank you for following along, and as always i'm happy to field questions.