I was on that site for a long-ass time and will admittedly really, really miss the casual conversations I had with friends on there. there's a few artists who rarely (or don't) share their work anywhere else, but like... it's just too toxic of an environment. like having it on my phone was like carrying around anxiety on tap. I'm sick and tired of being reminded that there are people who hate me and mine, you know?
more importantly I think that being on a site that really doesn't have a userbase that's at all representative of, like, the real world was giving me a skewed understanding of what people really are like. i was falling into some pretty dark and misanthropic places that i don't like being.
idk, i just wanna ramble a bit about this weird... kind of loss I'm feeling.
the sad thing is that twitter, for all its faults and for all the real damage it's done, was a pretty fun site to be on. i never once used the "for you/featured" tl shit so i wasn't quite so subjected to algorithmic content, but for a long time i'd curated my tl so it was basically just friends and artists and Pepito and bots that posted cool pictures on the hour. since that whiteman™ took over, i saw more and more hateful content from promoted blue checks. much of it i couldn't even figure out why it was promoted, except maybe to own the libs?? who fucking knows.
anyway the blocking thing was the last straw. i realize that musk can't1 really nix blocking altogether, because of apple/google rules, but i guess it was just such a flagrant disregard for online safety that i needed to dip. with the way the userbase appears to be tipping--with more and more literal nazis creeping around, with fucking financial incentive to incite hate and anger--it was obvious that maintaining even a very closed, very protected presence wasn't worth it. it's so fucking frustrating to see something that legitimately served as useful infrastructure to disseminate emergency info became total dogshit because, yknow, this flaccid and ghoulish boy with too much money bought it? fucking seriously?
i admittedly also feel a bit anxious, since I'm worried about missing out on important news, or things my favorite artists are doing, or what's going on in my friends' lives. plus, my brain is starved for dopamine constantly, and twitter served as a reliable source for that. i'm antsy sitting here, unable to check in on what my friends are up to or what the latest bullshit is. my therapist and i discussed social media as an addiction that was fueling a lot of my anxiety, so i anticipated feeling this way. hell, she asked me how i would feel if i deleted my account, and i admitted i'd feel pretty damn uncomfortable. surprise! i do! i even feel a little guilty for not paying attention to what my friends are going through!
it feels kinda dumb to be uncomfortable with not having a twitter account to check on lmfao. but that's what anxiety and addiction do, and i can say that by and large, the people i actually spoke to and engaged with have made an impact on me for the better. i've discovered this wealth of transmasc art through the site, which has enriched my life and instilled pride. i've learned from people. i've looked forward to hearing from friends and celebrating their victories with them, or offering condolences in rough times.
ultimately i need to remind myself that the twitter timeline is not worth the distress it was causing me, and that i will still be able to connect with my friends and people whose work i love through other places. it's worth the effort to seek those people out.
anyway i think my therapist will be pretty pleased to hear about this at our next meeting
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i mean he could but he'd be really dumb to try lmao