I promise someday I will stop posting long self-indulgent whines about the games industry under readmores, but, you know, not TODAY
so, we made the call today not to pursue a second print run of The Price of Coal, and to instead move to a print-on-demand model, to reduce risk for my friends who published it and also to acknowledge that I just... am not willing to yell about it and push it and market it, because I am not staying "in" the industry. (I mean. I'm never gonna stop MAKING games or PLAYING games or TALKING about games, you can't get rid of me that easy, but I am done PUBLISHING)
despite the fact that I was the one who first asked about doing this months ago, rather than taking on the risk of a second print run we might sell very VERY few copies from, I still kind of can't help feeling like this makes me a "failure" or like the game "failed".
and that's not the case AT ALL! we made an extremely niche indie game, sold out a full print run, and didn't go into debt doing so! and by going POD (and also having the roll20 virtual tabletop module that like no one has bought lol oops), we're making sure that it'll continue to be available without going underwater! quite frankly, that's more than some people can say!
and my friends' publishing company gets to stay in the black and keep publishing cool games, and I get to step back into hobbyist mode where I make funky lil google docs and send them directly to my 6-12 favorite weirdos! this is objectively a win, and the right decision! but I haven't quite shaken off the feeling of "this is good for me, but it doesn't feel like the correct way to do things"
actually, it feels A LOT like when I dropped out of college, which is objectively one of the best things I ever did for myself, sparing myself several more years of absolute misery and going deeply into debt for the privilege of that misery. but you're not "supposed to" feel good about dropping out, and I don't think you're "supposed to" feel good about quitting a side hustle to enjoy it as a hobby again.
and, you know, yeah, fuck "supposed to". "supposed to" is bullshit like, A LOT of the time! but it still takes time to shake it off completely