I'm Jeron (rhymes with Erin). A trans girl, apparently. I dabble in basically everything. World Record Holder. Girl-King of cats. Fledgling Goddess of Hunger


Interact with me? Yes, I luv it


List of games I think are cool


Evil-and-its-musings
@Evil-and-its-musings

Our own Noxulous of Fyth has issues with other entities, there is a critical disconnect between what others perceive as concrete rules of being that it just doesnt adhere to. The assumption that kindness means someone doesnt constantly fantasize about murder and bloodshed is completely false, just as false and assuming that this kindness despite violent urges is faked. One can both harbor a bloodlust and want to connevt with other entities on other levels. People van be more than one thing and Noxulous of Fyth tends to be many seemingly contradictory things.

On one hand it can put a great deal of effort into connecting but may also burn bridges like a mad arsonist when stressed. The urge to do away with connections comes from a feeling of stress hiding itself from another, if it doesnt feel it can trust another with its true self, if there are signs they may be intolerant to it, it tends to not share as much personal information, it tends to not reach out, it tends to refuse to show that its in turmoil or under duress, even downplaying how it feels. It has an assumption that if it shows weakness to a likely future enemy that they will exploit, as indeed many have.

Dont take it personally if it happens to you, its not its appraisal of your worth as an entity, its merely that it perceives itself just... Too different from you, and incompatible.

If you reveal something confronting about yourself or appear to have an absurd amount of tolerance it will likely really wish to know you.

It also has an issue maintaining friendships because of this. Friendships areva complicated relationship type to this form of entity, it often doesnt see the point of them unless an activity, goal, knowledge share or inkling of future romance is presented. Yes, we are aware how single minded and transactional this seems, we should like you for you and not commodify others, we are working on that. We can put up a good effortvto white knuckle maintaining friendships that are unrewarding in the above ways under normal arc, but under stress the empathic battery it uses to care for others depletes just trying to keep it from killing itself. So it has no more for anyone else, and if stressed further is liable to snap.

This has been happening more and more lately because of personal events it wont discuss with others. Suffice to say its mind is alight with pain, stress, and betrayal and it cant spare any care for someone or something that isnt doing anything to ease or distract from it, its working on that.

Honestly we'd have addressed it sooner but Noxulous of Fyth was so stress resistant for so long and there were so much more dangerous mental flaws to handle that it was at the bottom of the stack until just now.


You must log in to comment.

in reply to @Evil-and-its-musings's post:

my sense of kindness and compassion and caring gives rise to terrible viscera eating rage. i hold love that burns me if unearned aggression is not answered. we all live in a world where people are encouraged to do the psychic equivalent of play with guns in public, so the perhaps noble seeming urge to beat a tyrant pretender to death with their own limbs does not on the whole often serve me well. when necessary, though, i become a Force.

i cannot help but wish to answer hatred of life with an immediate mirrored corrective. why am i the wrong one? if this is what society considers evil, then i open my heart to darkness and say i have no use for society or its moralized platitudes.

We are of obe mind on this. Our fury is pointed at those who serve to make life harder for those of us on the bottom. It may be for selfish reasons, but we decided that murder frenzy for its own sake would probably become an issue soon if we encountered uneasant stressors, as indeed we have.

So we point this bloodlust at oppressors. Still we are called evil and extreme, and we embrace these titles now. They are apt descriptors of a creature of shadow, existing apart from the social rules of the world.

A world of light abhors a shadow, after all.

hmmm, as of late with gentle pushes from Nox, i was sorta able to rediscover a part of myself i buried before under so many layers even when i felt like i rediscovered and unearthed everything about me that made me me before, that was still even layers deeper

it's like, this ancient lust for blood i used to have before, this sort of like, affinity for blood and murder and putting people that either try to end me or try to make the lives of those i love and care about harder

i fantasize about murder, about bathing in the blood of my enemies, about yelling the most gutteral and bone shattering screams and laugh as i inflict gruesome blood freezing acts of bodily destruction upon others

but if you talk to me, i am significantly more often a gentle and kind and caring creature, which i am sure is still me, but i also have an opposite side that harbors no mercy for someone who utterly exhausted all chances at redemption and forgiveness, the people who stand on the top of this list are my father and mother, and select fucked politicians out there

as Nox described, i am a mixture of seemingly extremely opposite characteristics and traits, i mean after all the sum of all the parts that made me before i went through total integration a lot of them were contrasting

i was taught to look at the dark and feel fear, because the devils and god's enemies hide in the dark or whatever they're taught, i try to not fear the dark these days, i am working on it, whenever i feel like i am being watched or that something is coming to get me i remind myself that the darkness is my friend

i am a lot of contrasting traits and characteristics, that present and front depending on the situation at hand, and depending on who i am with, i do associate and relate with some more than others, but in the end i consider all of these things me

and i am happy to finally know me and get to know it more every passing day