which is unfathomable. look at that greasy fuck on the album cover. they are severely chronically & acutely going through it.
it's very funny to look at its description on bandcamp ("some recordings i did in 2012 thrown together in a it's-nearly-new-year's-eve-and-oh-my-god-i-have-nothing-to-show-for-this-year-creatively panic") & think about how i had... truly no idea what it was like to actually Not Create. me-in-december-2012 had written a bunch of songs, recorded some of them, & probably did a bunch of other art, while working a full time job or two most of the time, & also drinking to the point of blackout five to seven days a week, & still ended the year violently dissatisfied with their output. i've done almost nothing, very genuinely, this year, or the past couple of years, & i've come to a point of acceptance with it because sometimes acceptance becomes the only option. these have been difficult years. i'm not trying to disparage myself, i'm just marvelling at what a frenetic ball of completely unresolved trauma i was & how much more i used to project into everything i ever did or didn't do. how completely unable i was to accept that maybe i was good enough. wouldn't it be nice to travel back in time & hold your younger self & convince them that they're already good enough? obviously i wouldnt have believed me, but its comforting to imagine. & at least ive learned to do it for that version of myself who still exists in me all the time.
im taking the opportunity of the big anniversary to be self-indulgent & talk abt the songs in a way i havent before.
and i also love pymoob so this post is such a treat. getting to see satah bring 10 years of age and artistic reflection to their first album, and share all these vulnerable bits about their life as context for an already very personal album, is both beautiful and really interesting. makes me want to do something like this for some of my early poetry tbh. anyway that's enough from me, go read the post.
