it continues to feel incredibly dumb to be Disappointed when medical test results come back good. like it’s objectively a good thing that i don’t, for example, have major nerve damage. but it would be nice if that wasn’t the 30th consecutive “well it’s not that” test. would love to get a “we found it” literally ever so that i can stop trying to convince myself i’m faking it, because if i wasn’t then we would have found something by now, obviously.
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not anymore lol
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in reply to @jkap's post:
It’s diagnostically useful to rule things out, but I’ve definitely found it stressful when doctors treat it like proof you’re fine/faking things/etc. What it actually means is you either haven’t tested for the right thing yet, or whatever you’ve got going on doesn’t have useful tests for diagnosis.
Yeah it's... A very strange thing. Abled/not-sick people (and lots of doctors) don't seem to get it - "why do you want to be sick?"
I don't wanna be sick, I am sick. I want to know why/how!
I am so familiar with this and it fucking sucks. I'm so sorry you're going through it. It's at the point where things have to be pretty bad before I'm willing to drag myself to the doctor because I dread paying a bunch of money only for them to run some tests and be like, "wow that's crazy! no idea what it could be, good luck with that though!"
I hope you get some answers, or at least, some different questions to ask very soon.
Every time I've gone through a diagnostic battery for my chronic pain it's been like that.
"So hey I have chronic pain in my wrists and shoulders and it's debilitating and is preventing me from working. It definitely isn't carpal tunnel syndrome, as the symptoms don't match and it's already been ruled out via nerve conduction test."
"Well, let's run a nerve conduction test just to be sure."
"But it won't find anything."
"Well we need to do that anyway as a first step."
"Okay, fine."
One expensive and painful nerve conduction test later:
"Well, congratulations, it isn't carpal tunnel syndrome."
"Yes, I know, what is it?"
"I don't know, have you tried mindfulness meditation?"
Just leave a big ol' ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ in my chart; it does about as much good.
so like, I've been thinking about this. I think it is very reasonable to be disappointed in a good test result, because I know that I have a problem, a good result just means that I haven't found the problem yet
Man, I've been doing the Long Covid dance for a couple of months now and I feel this so hard
Holy F do I ever understand this. It's exhausting. I'm sorry you are going through this.