One of my big hangups as an artist is comparing myself to other artists (like duh, I'm obviously not unique in that way), but particularly to the point where I don't feel like a peer to many of them.
Social networks make it real easy to compare, what with the numbers and all. On top of that, there's the incentive for artists to carefully craft how they appear and what they produce (eg. to never reveal any hardships or personal thoughts).
I'm only doing this creative stuff as a hobby; there's no way I could go pro with art, I don't have the neurotype for it. I also overshare on social networks, as I'm in it more for the social aspect. So my numbers are always going to be pretty low. And that's cool; a few years back that would eat away at me, but now I know exactly what I want out of these platforms and why their numbers are what they are.
...And yet.
The thing I can't get over is how there are certain "strata" of artists in which I don't belong. I'm painfully familiar with how I create and share art, and with how haphazardly and inconsistently and nonconfidently I do it. Just looking at any random other artist anywhere gives me the immediate impression that they know what the heck they're doing,they are capable of setting and achieving lofty goals, they are admired and are role models for others.
The impression is that I'm not a peer to them at all. I could be a fan and a follower, but I may not try to make any kind of meaningful connection with them. They clearly have few thoughts or experiences in common with me.
It's a terrible hangup of mine, and I know it's entirely on me, but I still find myself staying away from certain artists, even muting them because their work is amazing and they keep getting reblogged and I just keep seeing them. If I see a beautiful creation with a couple thousand likes/boosts/notes, I pass it by thinking "lol they sure don't need me in their sphere."
Now, this all gets mixed up a bit on a platform like Cohost, where there simply aren't any numbers (or there are but I never knew where to look). And it's not a big household name where pros and celebrities flock to. It provides me with far less evidence to use against myself. I hadn't been a user here for too long and I definitely didn't interact so much on it or follow a robust collection of others, but I know a big reason behind that is that Cohort threw me off. It messed with my expectations, and I couldn't tell what I was supposed to be here.
With less than a week left on Choost, I'm really wondering how it would have turned out over time. I met some new people who I certainly vibed with, and followed some who I already followed on other networks but who share much different things here. And I liked how the things I saw here were generally more trivial and esoteric than the pro-level and sometimes commercial content on other platforms.
Maybe it would've been a healthier space for me? 🤷