julez

a little stinker

  • they / he

nonbinary-agender, trans, 26, autistic, homo

potter for hire and for fun

t4t with @tati

radfairyjulian on discord


working with the assumption that dominant culture doesn't teach most people how to love skillfully, i'm inviting you to maybe do a little microblog in the comments or repost considering what skill(s) you've had to learn and cultivate related to being a loving friend/partner/neighbor/family member

here's one of mine that i am still working on: if someone you love is experiencing a problem it doesn't mean they want you to solve it, it can be hard to watch people you love go through hard times or conflicts but unless someone asks specifically for your input on solutions i try to remind myself it's not my place to give advice or suggestions. me wanting to solve their problems can often be more about my discomfort and desire to fix than it is about being present with their needs and emotions. oftentimes the best way i know how to support someone else is to hold space for them to experience what they are presently experiencing, validate where they're at, remind them that they deserve peace, happiness, good things, and that they are capable of navigating what they're going through.


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in reply to @julez's post:

This is something I have been working on myself! I like solving problems and it hard for me to step back when someone is telling me about a struggle and just listen. I want to help! But I am learning that it isn't always the helpful thing to do.

-Especially when you live with someone it's tempting to try to feel everything with them, but now I see it as an act of love to not let mild and medium sad seep through the whole house. Instead I am a little island of calm to return to. For big sad I think that's just a mixed bag from day to day
-its ok to take some time and go through your thoughts to figure out what you'd like to say
-its hard to ask for help but when you clearly need it but won't ask, people you love will often try helping anyway. So you might as well try to meet them half way instead of dancing around each other