julez

a little stinker

  • they / he

nonbinary-agender, trans, 26, autistic, homo

potter for hire and for fun

t4t with @tati

radfairyjulian on discord


one social custom that i’m never really comfortable with/never want to join in on that people do all the time (and i’m not even sure it’s a neurodivergent/neurotypical divide but might just be my particular flavor of autism) is just being really judgmental of other people especially people you don’t know very well at all or even hypothetical people, like idk maybe it’s a way people process their hurt or feel good in their own life choices by casting others as wrong but it never feels fun or productive to me

like to be clear, this is different than a specific judgement of “this person caused harm and let’s judge them for the action that caused harm” and i’m not saying i’m above casting judgment on others 100% of the time, but it just feels like sometimes people do this as a form of social bonding and socialization “these people are so weird and wrong for these life choices” to create right ways of behaving (in group) and wrong ways of behaving (out group) but the choices aren’t like causing pain and suffering to other people necessarily. this stuff makes my autism brain feel stressed because i feel like people are sharing social rules i ought not break to stay in their good graces, but avoiding people’s judgement is a futile task i suppose

idk am i making sense? i feel like when others try to engage me in this kinda stuff i just like nod along and don’t know what to do


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in reply to @julez's post:

this is one of those things where i would like to move more towards your view of things.

i understand these things better with a concrete example, so i want to provide one knowing it carries the risk of becoming the same negative attitude you're describing in the post, but i want to uhhh. test my understanding of your point? so here:

i hate spotify, i think it uses a lot of dark patterns to frog boil the culture into a mode of music [consumption] which benefits the company and detriments the artists. i hate the way i see spotify as emphasizing the "infinite playlist" to obscure the value of songs in their larger releases, and enabling the "let the brand curate for you and you dont think about a thing" way of listening.

but sometimes i express these feelings as an ingroup thing! "people who just Like songs and listen to them on shuffle" type beat. in hindsight that sucks!! i'd rather just be cool about however anyone wants to be and uses the tools they have to enjoy themselves!

so, if i got you right. yeah i agree that it's better to be ... chill about it. learning and growing etc.

yeah i get your example and i think it can be a way we process big systemic things (like spotify being shit) to focus in on the individual choices as a place to launch a judgment!

Example from my life like where i live culturally it's not uncommon for adults to stay living at home with their parents even if they could financially afford their own place and i have a friend who has a lot of judgements around that which don't make a lot of sense to me.

my mind goes to people i know who still live with their parents or guardian figures, a friend who can't financially afford their own place but is trans and i think suffers from cohabitating with her family, a family member who caregives their grandfather so lives in their hometown, and although these aren't the people he was talking about i think judging people broadly without thinking about the specificity of why people are doing this or that and what deeper meanings it has for their lives just weirds me out i guess.

Like there's a right way to live and the people who make the judgements know what it is. Idk it's so hard to be a human, nobody knows fuckall how to do it! Maybe people don't take the things they say as seriously as i hear them but it confuses me all the same!