(a sapphic short story about schoolgirls and secrets, primarily based on me reading too much tropey yuri manga)
Himeko had a lot of admirers, even though Hidamari Academy was an all-girls high school. The most practical and serious girls respected her for her tenure as the Student Council President, while those of a more romantic bent had dubbed her the Sapphire Rose, the unofficial princess of the senior class. All were in agreement, however, concerning her elegant, classical beauty. Whispers of envy--and longing--swirled in her wake, reflecting on the luster of her long, straight black hair, the way her immaculately maintained uniform highlighted her figure, and how even her personality was undeniably perfect: calm, thoughtful, and effortlessly gracious.
All of those observations were correct, except for the part about any of it being effortless. Himeko worked very hard to maintain her reputation. So hard, in fact, that sometimes it got to be exhausting.
Thus when she wrapped up the latest student council meeting, rather than walk out of the classroom’s main door and past the crowd of adoring fans waiting in the hallway, she instead chose a quiet moment to step out onto the third-floor balcony. It wasn’t much more than a narrow ledge, and she had to squeeze past a few flowerboxes and old science projects as she made her way along it, slipping into the adjoining classroom further down.
Then it was a simple matter to quietly slink down the hallway and to the stairwell. Her disappearance would be noticed, she knew, but it would only serve to further cultivate a sense of mystery, adding to her allure. And in the meantime…
Rather than heading down the stairs, where yet more fans would be waiting at her shoe locker, she headed up, climbing one last flight of stairs dusty with disuse. The only thing at the top was a door--which, of course, the school administration kept very firmly locked.
There were exactly two ways out onto the roof through that door: either you had the key, or you knew how to pick its lock. Himeko chose the former: as the Student Council President, and a darling in the eyes of all the teachers, it had been simple enough for her to get a master key.
With a click, she unlocked the door, stepping out onto the roof. There, another girl was sitting out on the low railing, framed by the setting sun as her legs hung over a three-story drop.
Sara, on the other hand, was an expert at picking locks.
The other girl hadn’t noticed Himeko yet, and it gave her an opportunity to drink in the sight. The sun had just gotten low enough to turn the patchy clouds out on the horizon into a golden orange, and the colors complimented Sara’s bleached-blonde hair, unruly waves held in place by flashy hairpins. As the wind tugged one curl out of place, Sara reached up to tuck it back in place, revealing the shell of her ear, studded with piercings. Her uniform was the antithesis of Himeko’s, breaking just about every one of the regulations: her necktie was missing entirely, her shirt scandalously hung open two buttons lower than it should have been, and her skirt had been pulled up high enough to show off even more of her long, tanned legs than normal. Even her eyeliner and flashily-painted nails were technically against school policy. Plenty of girls skirted those rules, but Sara openly flaunted them, and it was a wonder that teachers didn’t write her up for it more often--but then again, Sara also had a bit of an intimidating reputation, as the bandage across one of her cheeks indicated.
She was, in a word, beautiful.
As she quietly closed and locked the door behind her, Himeko felt something inside her relax. She allowed her carefully-calibrated expression of calm wisdom to slip, replaced by a smirk that would have bewildered her more ardent admirers.
“Fancy seeing you here, Miss Delinquent,” Himeko said, skipping a bit as she made her way closer.
Sara just tilted her head back, looking over her shoulder with a cool expression of disdain, at least until a smirk of her own broke through the act. “Hi there, Princess,” she replied, in that husky voice of hers.
“Up to no good?” Himeko leaned against the railing that Sara sat on, so close that her hand rested against the fabric of Sara’s skirt. Sara leaned in towards her slightly in response, one of her eyebrows arching.
“I’m just minding my own business,” she said.
Himeko let out a thoughtful ‘hmm.’ “You know, if you’re up here smoking, I’m going to have to confiscate those, as part of my duty to keep the school clean and litter-free. It’s very important to promote good morals.”
Sara let out a soft snort at that, rolling her eyes theatrically. She pulled out a pack of cigarettes, handing it over to Himeko. Neither one of them mentioned anything about how it was a new carton, untouched until now, and Sara didn’t make any comment either about the lighter Himeko pulled out of her own pocket. She just watched as Himeko pulled out a cigarette, putting it between her lips.
And then, just as Himeko was about to light it, Sara coolly said, “You know the rules, though. If you light up, no kissing for the rest of the day.”
Himeko made a ‘tch’ sound, and clicked the lighter shut. She plucked the cigarette from her lips, twirling it through her fingers and then smoothly tucking it behind her left ear.
Sara gave her a smile that was a little too smug, and so Himeko had to frown, step in even closer, and then kiss it right off her stupid face.
When they parted again, though, Sara was still smirking. “You know,” she said thoughtfully, “I really wonder what all your little fangirls would think if they knew that Little Miss Perfect Princess had a habit of sneaking off to the roof to kiss girls and smoke cigarettes.”
Himeko exhaled, frowning. “I wouldn’t call that a habit,” she protested, but then she got a sly look in her eye. “Besides, that’s not entirely accurate.”
“It’s not?”
“Of course not!” Himeko affected an expression of innocence. “I mean, I’ve kissed girls in janitor’s closets too. And behind the storage units by the gym. And that one time when we both wound up in that empty classroom when everyone else had already gone home.’
Sara let out a laugh. She was always so loud when she laughed, and it always caught Himeko by surprise, but knowing that she was one of the few people privy to that information also made her feel warm on the inside, too. “Wait a minute,” Sara said, still grinning. “I don’t remember us hooking up behind the gym. What girl were you kissing, then?”
Himeko fluttered a hand quickly, hastily continuing. “Besides, I could just as easily shock everyone at school by revealing your secret, too.”
She wasn’t expecting Sara’s reaction, and when the other girl abruptly flinched, pulling back a bit, Himeko realized her mistake.
“Not that secret,” she said archly. “I mean, I could tell everyone that the terrifying delinquent girl from class 3C was in fact a total sweetheart.”
“Excuse me?” Sara said, but she was smiling again.
“It’s true!” Himeko reached up, her fingertips lightly touching the bandage on Sara’s cheek. “Like this, everyone assumes that, what, you got in a fight, yes?”
“That is what happened,” Sara said coolly.
“Uh huh.” Himeko smirked. “Are you sure? Because what I think happened is that you keep trying to feed that stray cat that sleeps in the bushes by the gym, and it scratched you when you tried to pet it.”
“How did you--” Sara’s lips clamped shut. “I mean. That’s ridiculous.”
Himeko grinned. Her fingers fluttered, tracing their way down Sara’s soft cheeks and past the curve of her neck. Finally, they came to a rest against the warm skin of her chest, dangerously close to slipping even further inside the delinquent’s shirt. “Beneath this intimidating exterior,” Himeko proclaimed, “lies the heart of an innocent, blushing maiden.”
Himeko knew it to be true, too. She could tell from the way that heartbeat under her fingertips sped up, and even though Sara was good at hiding a blush, the tips of her ears were turning red, in that way that meant she was particularly embarrassed, or turned on, or both.
“Shut up,” Sara said, but her heart wasn’t in it. She looked away, eyes skating out to look down across the schoolyard. Then she fell silent.
This gave Himeko some pause. Normally, Sara would have leaned into the bit, parrying her teasing with some of her own, as they both worked each other up until one or the other broke and they decided to work out their overflowing emotions in a more physical manner. But Sara seemed a bit withdrawn, even pensive, and Himeko narrowed her eyes, trying to get a read on why.
She followed the trail of Sara’s eyes, trying to catch sight of what Sara was gazing wistfully at. This side of the school offered a great view of the track and athletic fields, where a pack of girls had just finished up their laps, and were giving each other exuberant high-fives. Himeko herself was tempted to let her eyes linger on the sweaty athletes, particularly those who could probably pick her up and bench press her, but Sara hadn’t paid them any attention. On the other side of a chain fence, the Gardening Club was hard at work replanting some spring flowers. That set of girls had their own charms, too, and Himeko knew a bit of mud on a girl’s hands only made her more cute. But Sara wasn’t looking there either.
Sara was staring at a small trio of girls sitting on a picnic blanket, spread out beneath an oak tree. They were the entirety of the Manga Research Club, who had recently lost their clubroom due to not having enough members. It was just Haruka, Eri, and… Megumi.
Himeko felt an uncertain twinge inside her.
“Why are you so hung up on her?”
It just slipped out of Himeko’s mouth, and as soon as it did, she grimaced, hoping that the wind had carried her words away and Sara hadn’t heard.
She wasn’t so lucky, of course. Sara turned, her eyes wide. “What?”
Himeko swallowed, thinking over it. And then she firmed her resolve. “Megumi. Come on, I know you have a thing for her. I just don’t know why.”
A dark look clouded Sara’s face. “She’s really pretty. Don’t tell me that--”
“I know, I know,” Himeko said. “That’s not what I was saying. Obviously she’s pretty.”
She knew why Sara was touchy on that subject; Megumi had occasionally been the subject of some teasing from other girls over her weight, but Himeko was more than genuine in her appraisal. The otaku girl was absolutely adorable, soft and lovely and full-figured in a way that made Himeko’s heart thump far more than it should. Granted, Himeko liked girls of all kinds; at one point, upon hearing some fellow students talking poorly about another, she had explained that the only true ugliness a girl could show was unkindness towards another person, which had shut them both up very quickly. But even aside from her general appreciation for the female form, Himeko had started to pay more attention to Megumi after noticing Sara’s rather poorly-hidden crush on her, and the more she watched Megumi, the more Himeko understood it.
And when she had the opportunity to interact with Megumi more directly… That girl certainly had some surprises of her own.
But still, she wanted to hear Sara’s thoughts, not her own. “Why her, though?” she persisted. “There’s lots of pretty girls at this school.” She bit her lip. “I’m pretty, aren’t I?”
Sara turned to look at her squarely, all joking having vanished from her expression. “Of course you’re pretty,” she said firmly, and Himeko tried to squeeze down the flutter in her stomach at hearing that.
It wasn’t fair. Himeko felt certain that Sara shouldn’t be allowed to just say things like that, to look at you in that intense way where it was like you mattered so much to her and she was seeing right through you. Himeko knew then that she had to come clean, had to bite the bullet and talk about her feelings, as certain as she was that this was going to be painful.
“Sara,” she said. “When we started all of, um… all of this.” She waved a hand vaguely encompassing the two of them, hoping Sara would pick up on her meaning. “We agreed that it was casual, right? A couple of girls kissing because it felt good, no more, no less. No expectations about responsibility or exclusivity or whatever.”
“Yeah,” Sara said, still staring at Himeko in that uncannily perceptive way.
Himeko felt the words dry up. How was she going to explain? What was she even going to say? An uncomfortable silence stretched out between them.
Sara was the one to break it. “Oh,“ she said. “I see.”
Himeko shook her head. “No, you don’t.”
“I do,” Sara said, and she reached out to take Himeko’s hands. “Hey. It’s okay.”
“No, I--” Himeko tried to pull her hands back, but Sara’s grip was firm without being painful. Just solid, much like she was herself.
“Himeko,” Sara said. “This started as something casual, but… I want you to know it’s more than that now. You’re more than that now, to me.”
Himeko couldn’t quite meet the intensity of her gaze. She wanted to protest, but didn’t know what to say, either, and something about this was making her stomach do a flip.
“At first I just saw who you were on the outside, the perfect persona you put on to fool everyone else.” Sara paused. “Well, that makes it sound like it’s totally fake, and it is a little fake, I think, but there’s some truth in there. You’re closer to perfect than you think. But in all honesty, I didn’t like you very much when that’s how I knew you. Then though, things happened, and I got to see you underneath that. And when you let that armor down, you’re so different. You’re flirty, and sarcastic, and kind of mean. It’s really something. I found that version of you to be really, um, kind of hot?”
“Th-thanks,” Himeko muttered, glancing away.
Sara smiled. “But that’s not totally you either, I think. There’s more truth to it, but at times it’s maybe a different kind of armor, I think. Because underneath that, once I can get you to admit that you actually do care about some things and it’s not all glitter facade on top of ironic detachment… I think you’re actually a very sweet person.”
Himeko’s eyes flashed. “How dare.”
“You are! You’re really lovely. And though you hate to admit it, you’re just like everyone else. You get scared, don’t you? You worry that no one could love you in your entirety, so you have to keep up the facade, or maintain a distance of things being casual, or whatever else. Trust me, I absolutely understand that particular fear. And, so, I think it’s only when I started to see glimpses of that vulnerability, that I started to realize the full truth. I’m kind of in love with you.”
Himeko’s heart thudded in her chest. She looked up to see a blush spreading across Sara’s cheeks, but nothing but genuine warmth in her eyes.
For a moment, Himeko felt an entirely foreign happiness, something swirling through her with such force that it left her dizzy, and she was glad to have Sara’s hands on her own to tether her to reality. How could she just say something like that? How could she so obviously mean it? How could she make Himeko feel this in return?
It wasn’t fair.
And then everything else caught up with her, and the cold shock of reality was a leaden weight settling in her stomach. Sara thought all this now, but she didn’t know everything yet.
But if Himeko’s rollercoaster of emotions showed in any way, Sara didn’t seem to notice. She let out a sigh, and chewed on her lip, looking a little uncertain. “But I also have to be fully honest with you. I love you, and I mean that with full seriousness, but… I love Megu too. With just as much seriousness. We kind of have a history, I guess.”
Confusion momentarily displaced Himeko’s building horror. “You do? I thought you just transferred in here this year.”
Sara sighed, running a hand through her bleached hair, sending the unruly waves tumbling. “Yeah. But we knew each other as kids.”
“Oh?”
Sara pursed her lips. “Yeah. We were really little kids. And it’s stupid stuff, the kind of playground promises about getting married that you make when you’re, like, six.” She paused, letting out a wistful sigh. “I just… I looked up to her so much. I know she seems so quiet and gentle now, but I remember how brave she was, how willing to jump into something and take charge, how she always made sure she wasn’t the only one having fun...”
Himeko found herself chewing on her lip so hard that she worried she might draw blood.
“But there’s no way she’d remember me. Particularly since, um… Well… You know.”
Himeko shook her head, trying to follow Sara’s logic. “What?”
Sara gave her a look. “Come on. You know.”
“I do?” Then Himeko’s eyebrows both raised, her eyes widening. “Oh. You mean… She thought you were a boy?”
“Yeah,” Sara’s shoulders slumped, her fingers nervously playing with the fabric of her skirt. “Not her fault though, I thought I was a boy, too. Maybe if I had figured that one out sooner… But whatever. I guess it’s stupid, but I love her, and don’t know how to stop it. It doesn’t matter though either, because nothing is going to come of it. It’s not like she’d like girls regardless.”
“Actually…” Himeko said, and then hesitated. She gulped, and then pressed on. “Hey. You know how she carries around that sketchpad?”
Sara glanced over at her, eyebrows furrowing. “Yeah. Wait, how do you know that?”
“Um. Well, yesterday morning, she might have dropped it in the hall, and I might have picked it up by accident, and perhaps I might have even taken a look at it…?”
Sara frowned, obviously vaguely disapproving, but not really seeing her point. “So?”
“And, um. It might be full of yuri?”
At that, Sara’s eyes went wide. She swallowed. “That doesn’t necessarily mean anything though. And even still, she wouldn’t like a girl like me. I’m… um. Not the kind of girl in shoujo manga.”
“Yes, you are,” Himeko insisted. “I keep telling you, you’re such a sweet little romantic girly-girl on the inside.”
Sara frowned, rolling her eyes.
“And, um. I know for a fact that she does, uh, like girls,” Himeko continued. “Because I met up with her in private to give back her sketchpad, and okay, maybe one thing led to another thing, and…” She took a very deep breath, and then her next words came out in a rush. “I kind of wound up making out with your crush behind the storage units by the gym.”
Sara stared at her, utterly frozen.
It was sort of freeing to actually have said it, Himeko thought. She hadn’t thought she would feel so guilty about it--she didn’t necessarily feel bad when she was kissing Megumi, after all. She had felt really good about that. Or at least really good in general--in the school classroom, Megumi was quiet and shy, but in private, things were entirely different. Himeko didn’t quite know how to explain that she was the one who found herself a little swept off her feet, with Megumi somehow managing to see enough in her to abruptly decide to display some truly surprising confidence and take a shot at things. In the face of such… enthusiasm, how exactly was Himeko supposed to turn her down?
She hadn’t felt bad about what they had done, because both her and Megumi clearly seemed to have enjoyed the experience. But she hadn’t been prepared for what Sara had dropped on her today, the way she had laid out her feelings as being serious. Himeko hadn’t been entirely prepared for the still-dawning realization that maybe her feelings towards Sara were the same. And with that context, well… This would certainly hurt Sara, wouldn’t it? This would be a betrayal? Or something? Himeko didn’t fully understand it, but she knew she couldn’t bear to see her girlfriend hurt. She certainly couldn’t bear the thought that Sara might not want to be her girlfriend, not when that had only just now started to feel like a real, meaningful possibility.
Gosh, this really was a mess, Himeko thought.
But then the way that Sara responded was more simple than she would have thought possible.
Sara’s cheeks lit up red, turning absolutely scarlet, and she buried her face in her hands. “Ohmigod,” she squeaked.
“Wh-what?” Himeko said, caught off guard.
“You kissed her? Your lips… and her lips… and then…” Sara peeked through her fingers. “You kissed me? Do you know what that means?”
Himeko’s jaw dropped. “No…?”
“That was an indirect kiss!” Sara wailed.
And the cloud hanging over Himeko’s heart evaporated, vanishing away as quickly as it had come. She laughed, long and hard, even though Sara pouted in her direction, looking pathetic.
“See?” Himeko finally said. “You really do have the heart of an innocent, blushing maiden.”
Sara gasped in response, but offered no further objection, her face still burning with embarrassment. Himeko just grinned, and then stepped closer, planting her hands on Sara’s hips as she drew her in for yet another kiss. It amused her to no end the way that Sara seemed even more worked up than usual about the prospect.
Meanwhile, however, something else started whirring in her head. Despite Sara’s protestations, despite her obvious hangups about how Megumi might feel about her, Himeko felt more certain than ever that the cute otaku would be ever-so-delighted to realize that her childhood friend was now a smoking hot girl. It might take a bit of work, it might take a devious plan or two, but she was certain that she would be able to get those two to share a kiss that was much less indirect, and the very thought of it brought a smile to her face.
It brought Himeko a strange confidence to realize that no matter what other people might think, Megumi didn’t have to come between her and Sara.
…
And then, a wicked little part of her suggested what exactly it might look like to have Sara come between her and Megumi, and Himeko giggled so hard that she almost stopped kissing Sara for a moment.
Yes, things were going to turn out alright, at least if she had any say in the matter.