Just came across a video that came up with a sort of Cartesian square of stimuli to actions. Based off of if they were external, or internal, and then whether we gain from them, or lose from them (but weirdly, still gain from them XD)
So... in the external gain: wants. These are fleeting and very prone to low action, and even when you achieve that goal, it's fleeting as you want something else. Like if I say "I want a big mansion"...why? It's because I saw someone else with a big mansion and thought "I want that." so the stimulus is external. Sure, we gain from it (if we manage to get that goal) but it's purely external in nature.
External loss: shoulds. These are the obligations placed upon you by others. It's what your parents want you to be. It's what your teachers said you should do. It's what your boss wants you to do. Here, you lose in terms of a pleasure drive. The time and energy you're putting into doing these shoulds COULD be better suited for WANTS, right? At least you'd get something out of the deal. Or...maybe for the two internal stimuli. But this once again, comes external from us, and rather, from others telling us what to do, what to be.
Internal gains: Values: These, like wants, would help you gain something in the process, but, unlike wants, values are intrinsic and are not fleeting to the whims of your senses. You saw someone with a big house, you want a big house. Values don't work like that. They come from within. Do you value knowledge? Hard work? Compassion? Community? Selflessness? A care for animals? A care for the environment? Do you value equality? Do you value justice? What does that look like to you? In any case....these are intrinsic. They are developed through experience, but they're a lot easier for one to, once something lines up with their values, to work towards said values. Unlike wants, where wants are, once again fleeting both in the motivation, and the reward once/if achieved. Values, however, allow for greater, longer-term motivation and more, longer lasting reward when achieved.
Internal loss: Duty: Now, duty does not necessarily mean loss as in "I don't get any good out of it" but rather, "I am willing to sacrifice some of my time/talent/money/ability etc..." to benefit someone or something else in accordance to my place in the world. It's the role of a parent, or sibling, or child or citizen or....basically any role where you find yourself willing to make a sacrifice, no matter how small, for the betterment and benefit of someone or something else, and you do it willingly. It's not like should where the pressure is external, it's internal and intrinsic to you.
So, basically, back to why I want a new job and why I want to go back to grad school. I'm trying to reframe this idea. I noticed that "new job" was a want...I felt the pressures were external. The stress of this job. The incompetence of my boss. The strain on my mental health. The allure of a "better job", the allure of a better job with a degree. And on that same note, going to college was more of a want/should, than a value/duty. I felt like I HAD to go to college in a way because I was "smart" or as a kid of the 90's...I grew up to where you just went to college, that's the way it goes. Graduate high school, go to college, doesn't matter where, doesn't matter what you major in, you'll succeed.
Of course, the 2008 recession proved THAT wrong (let alone anything after that) but hey...I still need to go to college because "society" sees me as "smart" and sees it as "the right thing to do" so...I went. So, 2 1/2 years later when I finally get my degree, why wasn't I happy? Because I feel like I framed it in terms of "wants" and "shoulds" instead of "values" and "duty". I had a degree, but did that make the want part of my brain happy? No, it went off to the next want.
Instead, I should see my degree as a mark of my values. I value education. I value knowledge and curiosity. I value cultural awareness and sensitivity. I value equality and justice. I value freedom and wanting to make the world a better place. Sure that kind of goes into duty territory, but still. My duty is to try to make the world a better place somehow. How? Not too sure right now, but in some way, I want to help people. I have a duty to help people, and my values of equality, compassion, selflessness....that lines up with that. The degree then, goes from a "worthless trophy" one of those video game achievements that pops on the screen and then you forget about it 5 seconds later...to a mark towards me aligning myself with my values.
So, what's the deal with the job? Well, my job doesn't line up with my values or my duty. What am I doing working as a customer support guy that actually helps people? I mean ACTUALLY helps people? Especially when I've worked many customer service jobs (INCLUDING THIS ONE) that made it damn near impossible to actually help people because the nefarious underpinning of it all was to make money off these people. You weren't there to solve problems! You're there to get people to buy shit that you talk them into because you're there to give them the false hope that this shit will solve their problems. (Hi Sears, I see you, I'm glad your company is going under. Holy crap, only job I ever walked out on for exactly this reason.)
So, get a new job right? Get one that actually lines up with my values of equality and compassion and helping people and making the world better? Sure, easier said than done, but, if I keep my VALUES in mind, rather than solely my WANTS (getting away from my assclown boss), I feel like it'll be better for me in reframing a lot of 1. accomplishments I've already done. 2. reframe these new goals I have so that the drive to achieve them lasts longer and 3. so that when I DO achieve these goals (grad school in the fall? hopefully!) I don't go right into the "yeah but I SHOULD be doing THIS job" or "yeah but I SHOULD have had my PhD by now!" right out of the gate.
It's a value. Not a want. It's a duty. Not a should. I should internalize these goals, not externalize them and in that...maybe....just maybe... I should also learn how to internalize the good things my friends...my actual family has been telling me is true....rather than keeping it all external where it can be easily waved away.
Woof...sorry. Spottyfox had thoughts.