I have to explain what I experienced during my last moments at furality. I've been soaking in mirror and glass and liminal surface metaphors for such a long time and sunday night the most incredible magical thing happened.
I've joked constantly about being "stuck" in VR, uploaded permanently. Becoming part of the simulacra, being changed by it. Turning into a hologram. Being locked behind the glass of a mirror, made into a reflection. It was a kink thing for a long time but it wasn't just horny, it made a shiver run down my spine, it made me feel like I had butterflies in my stomach and like my feet couldn't find the floor.
In hindsight it was obviously a trans metaphor, something I couldn't grapple with until recently despite having come out as Not-A-Dude nearly 14 years ago.
I was in the dance club past midnight when SteamVR crashed, my desktop was stuck open and I couldn't close it. It locked me out of VRC but voice and FBT and facial tracking were still working. I could walk around in my playspace but I couldn't travel or touch anything in the game. On the other side of the glass.
There was no way I was going to try rebooting this.
I danced in there until the end of the set, past one in the morning. @phenokage made sure I knew just how fucked I was while I tried to match her posture.
And as the music died down and every weary worn-out fur got ready to make the long trip back to reality, back to their beds, we all bid each other a good night. A good con. A good god damn wild ride.
"Okay," I said, "Lets see if we can shatter this mirror."
And then I killed the process.
I think it was the most profound ending to anything that I've ever experienced.
